Here Come the Bridesmaids

Poor Kevin. We can feel his frustration sweating out of our TV screen. It's a palpable "Who do I have to fuck to win something?" sort of anger. Of course, that's quickly followed by "I hope it's a woman, because I'm straight!"

This could have been the winner, although once again, there's mild disagreement between T and Lo.

Before we go any further, we have to mention now (because it's the only shot of them we have), those shoes are awful with that outfit. Further proof that Kevin is straight. Bobby Trendy notwithstanding, the gays tend to be damn good at accessorizing.

Let's start with the criticism before we get to the praise: that bustier top is poorly fitted and looks cheap. Granted, it's made out of a frigging Hershey's Kiss pillow so looking cheap was almost an inevitability.

But look at the rest of it. That was all cheap fabric but he managed to make it look chic and, well, we can't go so far as to say it looks expensive but it at least doesn't look highly flammable.

It's a great little design, though. Love the little silver ruffled hem and 3/4 length sleeves with the little flare at the end. Thing is, even though it could have won, we think the judges skipped over it because it just looked too much like real clothes and they were clearly looking for whimsy, or as they called it, "joy."

Honestly, the bullshit criteria they come up with from week to week. "Where's the joy?" Give us a break.

How could Kit NOT use the Kit-Kats? A perfect choice for her. We just wish she'd found away to only use the "Kit" part of the logo. It would have come off wittier.

Which kind of ties into our main criticism of this look: whimsical, yes, but a little too obvious.

We were spoiled by Sissy Bear's masterful use of the logos and we can't help looking at this and thinking "Couldn't you have done a little more with them?" She looks a bit too much like a walking advertisement.

Although, credit where it's due: The Rolos belt was pretty damn ingenious.

The other factor we have to compliment is the styling. Kit almost always makes great styling choices, which makes sense because she's a stylist. Both the hair and the killer boots really sold the look. Without them, it would have come off a lot weaker.

Then again...

Just sayin'.

Along with Kevin, Kit's another one we think deserves a win by now. She's been pretty consistently good throughout the competition and unlike a lot of the other designers, she shows real style in her choices. Step it up, Baby Jane. We know you've got it in you.

[Photos: Barbara Nitke/bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]


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Ricky and Christian

There's so much gay in this picture that it's overwhelming even us.

Once again, disagreement rears its ugly head at Chez RunGay. Lorenzo hates it; Tom ...well, it's not that Tom loves it, exactly.

Is it kind of a silly, ugly, little dress? Yeah, a little.

Is his use of the Hershey's logo kind of obvious and uninspired when compared to Chris' or Rami's? Absolutely.

Is all that crinkly silver in the skirt kind of trashy-looking? Pretty much.

Does the phrase "silver bubble skirt" make us break out in hives? Unquestionably.

But here's Tom's defense: it's more inventive than anything Ricky's done so far.

Granted, that's not much of a defense.

There was at least some thought put into this that raises it above most of his previous work and yes, it's a little silly-looking but looking at it a certain way, that's part of the charm. She looks like she works in Willy Wonka's factory. She needed a kicky silver pillbox hat to complete the look.

Okay Princess, we're in your corner, but you need to keep your bitchass mouth shut when you're sending such a bag o' crap down the runway,

This was one instance in which we were in total agreement. She looks like a raisin.

All that self-puffing smacktalk and his entire design strategy came down to a simple halter dress and a bottle of fabric glue.

Honey? That ain't nothing to be sashaying around the room over.

Seriously, this was FUGLY.

And the styling was terrible too. Sorry girlfriend, but this was the exact opposite of fierce. This was UNfierce.

[Photos: Barbara Nitke/bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]


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Chris and Sweet P

Well, it's about fucking time.

With the exception of that first Diana Ross dress he made, Chris has been all about "not quite" in this competition. We kept saying that somewhere deep down he had what it took.

Chris?

Thank you for proving us right. This was gorgeous.

We could see the Sprouse influence he was talking about immediately and it was dead on. The masterful use of the typefaces gave this a pop art look and the simple, clean lines made it chic.

Chris darling, you know fabric and construction the way the rest of us know air. Your only flaw in the competition has been your inability to tone yourself down. We knew you could do it, big guy.

The only reason this wasn't more of a contender for the win - and this is merely an observation, not a criticism - was that this looked too much like "real" fashion. Nina nailed it: this was ready to be walked right off the runway and in to a studio to be shot for Elle. Thing is, the judges were clearly looking for more whimsical pieces. Still. Beautiful work, Sissy Bear. We're proud of you.

Does this photo sum up Sweet P's entire experience on the show to date or what?

Honestly, we like her and her resume pre-show reveals that she must have some sort of talent, but she is clearly NOT cut out for this competition. Every single week and with every single challenge, she appears utterly lost.

And she's always second-guessing herself. This first attempt looked pretty ugly, but at least it looked more interesting than what she sent down the runway.

And Tim?

We love you like a hot older brother, but you CLEARLY have not a clue about the female anatomy.

A maxi-pad? This?

Granted, it's not like WE'RE exactly experts in that arena, but we have just the bare modicum of knowledge to let us know that giant circles with HOLES in the middle would pretty much work in the exact opposite manner that a maxi-pad is supposed to. Just sayin'.

Anyway, the dress.

Lorenzo thinks she should have gone home instead of Elisa. Tom doesn't quite agree.

My god, this whole season has been about us arguing on the couch! Can this marriage be saved?!?!?!

If you're grading on effort, then yes, this was clearly worse than Elisa's because it looked like absolutely no thought was put into it whatsoever. It couldn't have been any more plain-looking. And considering the materials and the dictates of the challenge, "plain" has to be considered a cardinal sin.

Here's another one of those Project Runway truisms that have revealed themselves to us after hundreds of hours of viewing: When you make your model do something stupid at the end of the runway, like give the finger or blow a kiss or shimmy like a stripper, it means you know you're sending shit down the runway. Designers: just don't. We think it's safe to say that jaded old fashionistas like Nina Garcia or Michael Kors aren't going to sit there thinking "She threw candy kisses at the cameraman! ADORABLE! I smell winner!"

There's really nothing else to say about this dress. It was boring, it bordered on ugly and it wasn't particularly well-made. Unfortunately, you can say the same about almost everything Sweet P's done in the competition so far. Sorry, darling. We love ya, but we can smell your impending auf'ing on the wind.

[Photos: Barbara Nitke/bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]


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VictorYA: The sweet smell of self-delusion.

Tim: Hi, VictorYa! What's -- Oh, Jesus.
Victorya: Hello Tim. I like my dress, Tim.

Tim: VictorYa, it looks like something Nellie Olson would wear. In outer space.
Victorya: No it doesn't, Tim. I like my dress.

Tim: No, really. Stop it. I'm not allowed to do this, but I'm telling you: stop. Now.
Victorya: I am making a pretty, pretty dress, Tim.

Tim: VictorYa, I say this as a stern, but loving mentor: Is there a drug issue I should know about?

Seriously, what the HELL was going on here?

Don't get us wrong, we're all for whimsy. We certainly praised Rami to the heavens for his whimsical dress.

But this...this is just weird. It's like, none of her choices made any sense to us.

Of course, having her model go all Stepford on us didn't exactly help the presentation. If she'd made something that looked doll-like, we might have understood the bizarre walk.

But this doesn't call to mind a doll. It's just all over-ruffled and over-peplum'd to the point of distraction.

And it's all weirdly off-kilter for no apparent reason. We just want to go up to her and yank and tug everything into place.

Look at her model. She is PISSED at her right now. She's all "Fine. I walked like you told me to. Now my career's ruined. Thanks a lot, bitch."

The judges were just as weirded out as we were.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say, 'What the FUCK, girl?"

We just don't get VictorYa. Confidence is fine and being able to defend your work is a valuable asset on this show, but the whole "I love it and I'd definitely wear it" thing sounded like such an obvious lie to us. Just admit that you went off the rails a bit. She's another one of the judges' pets, so an aufing wasn't in the offing. Just come clean and say, "I tried to go for a look, but I'm not sure I achieved it." The judges LOVE that shit.

Photo: Barbara Nitke/bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]


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