Amy Adams by Proenza Schouler
We adore Amy Adams and we adore this dress. Oh sure, it's a little done and she looks a little bit like The Little Mermaid, but that beautiful shade of green makes up for her wearing a dress we've seen plenty of times before. Not only does it flatter her coloring, but it stood out in the sea of red that seemingly everyone else was wearing.
Anne Hathaway by Marchesa
Case in point. Although to be fair, this was our favorite out of all the red dresses the other night. We're not crazy about one-shoulder gowns and we're not crazy about frippery like flowers all over the bodice but somehow, this worked. The color is beautiful against her flour-white skin and the girl does know how to wear a dress.
Calista Flockhart by Vintage Valentino
Pretty, if a little plain, which is something you could say about both the dress and the person wearing it.
Cameron Diaz by Dior
Do not like. The color is too pale and boring and the folded napkin quality of it isn't very flattering. Plus it just looks wrinkled and disheveled. Maybe she had sex in the limo on the way there.
Cate Blanchett by Dries Van Noten
We love Cate. Not just for her roles and her general fabulosity, but also for her risk-taking on the red carpet. This would be a risk that failed. Not crazy about the bustline or the color on this.
Diablo Cody by John Galliano
Flintstones go Hollywood. Seriously ugly and worse, cheap-looking (which it isn't, of course). General rule of thumb: no animal prints on the red carpet.
Ellen Page by Jean Louis Scherrer
Feh. It's dreary and dowdy and old looking. The proportions do nothing for her. She looks blocky and a little uncomfortable.
Faye Dunaway by Pamella Roland
Let's give it up for the nearing-70 Miss Dunaway, y'all! Better yet, let's give it up for foundation garments! Unfortunately, she sort of looks like a female Oscar statue herself. One with a vascular disorder.
Hellen Mirren by Georges Chakra
Oh, Helen. You are so fabulous and such a hot and spicy little sexagenarian, but this is just a big no. Too shiny and too satiny and we just don't like the sleeves on this thing.
Hilary Swank by Versace
Yawn.
Jennifer Garner by Oscar de la Renta
Yawn 2, Electric Boogaloo.
Jennifer Hudson by Roberto Cavalli
Girl needed more support for her, well, girls, but aside from that we thought this was a beautiful dress.
Jessica Alba by Marchesa
We don't think that color flatters her all that much and the fussiness around her bust doesn't appeal to us. Granted, Jessica Alba basically has a career due to people fussing over her boobs, so maybe this was a bit of payback to her straight male fans.
Julie Christie by Julie Christie
YES! In this age of the stylist, it's so refreshing to see someone put a little old Hollywood glamour out there. By which we mean "crazy fucked up clothes." God bless you, Julie. At least you didn't bore us.
Katherine Heigl by Escada
It's a pretty dress. We especially like the detail on her shoulder. Unfortunately, we don't like the color and we think she looks too made up.
Keisha Whitaker by Domenico Vacca
Pretty. We like the flowy, ethereal quality at the bottom. It's a shame the color's so boring, though.
Kelly Preston by Roberto Cavalli
This actually looks better in pictures than it did when we saw it onscreen. We don't love it, but we do love whenever someone takes a color risk on the red carpet.
Keri Russell by Nina Ricci
Yawn 3: This Time It's Personal
Kristin Chenoweth by Armani Prive
Mmmm. A little slutty-looking, no? Too much, Glinda.
Laura Linney by Michael Kors
Yawn 4: The Calls Are Coming From Inside The House!
Marion Cotillard by Jean Paul Gaultier
FABULEUSE. Very pretty, very striking and very, very French. Oh sure, it looks a little fishy, but it's certainly eye-catching. Our favorite of the night. Those French bitches know how to dress.
Miley Cyrus by Valentino
Yawn 5 - oh, the hell with it.
Nicole Kidman by Balenciaga
Christ, enough with the boring black dresses! Yes, this was the "dark" year for the Oscars, but all you bitches didn't have to take it so literally. And the Martha Stewart Christmas Tinsel around her neck didn't help.
Penelope Cruz by Chanel Couture
Penelope Snooze.
We feel like Mr. Blackwell! Only younger and hotter and not so bitter.
Renee Zellweger by Carolina Herrera
Get over yourself honey. You don't look THAT good.
Saoirse Ronan by Alberta Ferreti
Alright, we said we applaud color on the red carpet. Just not THIS color. It's like that industrial paint they use in nursing homes. Appropriate, since this looks like a nightgown. It's pill time, Saoirse!
Tilda Swinton by Alber Elbaz for Lanvin
Well, it's black but at least it's not boring. Unfortunately, it's ugly and she looks like a sleeve got ripped off by a crazed Chronicles of Narnia fan.
And speaking of crazed...
Rebecca Miller by ????
Honey, we ask this in the nicest way, but what the fuck?
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