MOTR: Episode 3

It's a Fatma fatwa!

Color us disappointed. We wanted to see some major bitchtastic fireworks coming from Fatma's direction this episode. Instead...

Vanessa went into full-on, not-without-my-daughter, Lifetime Television for Women mode.

Just goes to show you can never tell which direction the drama's going to come from when it comes to models. Granted, Fatma DID say she wanted to punch Vanessa in the face, and her defense of that was appropriately hilarious:

"I said it under my breath, it's not something I told her to her face, it's an expression."

Oh! Well then! That's completely understandable.

In other breaking model news, apparently everyone forgot they hated Mitchell:


"You're the most beautiful girl in the world."

"I know. Now I am going to crush your head with my giant model hands for putting me in danger again. Hold still."

And Erika decides a SAG card and an Arby's commercial is better for her career than being compared to a soccer ball by Michael Kors. Go figure.

Heidi goes fishing for some bitchery:
"So, we wish her well, right?"

"You're fucking kidding, right?"

But YAY! Valerie's back. Seriously, from where we're sitting, she's the best of the lot. She's got the poise and the walk of a pro and she's got the kind of bone structure that makes photographers weep. Girl is a star in the making.

Back at Casa de Model, Vanessa's going for her Emmy:

"I feel extremely betrayed by Fatma. I will never be friends or trust that woman EVER again."

"I can't accept your apology. I think it's fake and phony, maybe I need some time to think about it."

"But...but...the producers told me I was supposed to be the crazy bitch on the show."

Models eat. Shyeah.

It's model-pickin' time! Logan, cupping his testicles protectively, picks Kojii.

Fatma debates whether she should merely cry on the runway or take a knife to a model's throat and start a hostage situation.

Erica goes home and the burgeoning lesbian soft core porn she and Matar were providing the producers goes with her, to the producers' eternal regret.

And if those airheaded designers leave Valerie standing on the runway like that again we'll...we'll...we'll write very mean things about them!


UPDATE: Here's Erika's commercial, poodles!


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com - Video: YouTube/themiamatrix]


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Team Bickerson

On this episode of Divorce Court...

When it comes to reality show throw-downs, editing almost always plays a huge part in heightening the drama and taking sound bites from a 2 or 3-day period and making them sound like a rapid fire argument. With Epperson and Qristyl, 2 contestants who up till now had come across as quiet and friendly, respectively, the editing suddenly showed them to be pompous and defensive with each other.

Which isn't to say that there weren't clear personality conflicts going on; just that, as viewers to this rapid-edit bitchfight, we really can't say who was in the wrong here or who started it or who should have acted differently.

Certainly, the normally quiet, somewhat affable Epperson did come across as if he thought Qristyl needed to be told what to do.

And Qristyl, for her part, did come across a mite too defensive every time Epperson opened his mouth. Plus she never seemed to let him finish a sentence without jumping all over him.

One thing we will never understand about these types of conflicts is why one of them never says to the other "Look, I don't like you but I don't want to get sent home and neither do you. How about we shut up and finish this without the sniping?"

The ironic thing is that for all their bitching and scratching...

Model: Erica Milde

They had almost nothing to show for it. This is just okay. A basic sundress with some minor twists - and the twists didn't work out so well.

First off: titscrepancy. Heidi made a point to commend them on how well they fit the bust - and we would have thought that to be the one area where she had more knowledge than the other judges - but those boobs don't look so hot to us.

Second, that weird torso panel. Does it come off or not? Tim didn't like it when it was removable and she didn't take it off on the runway, but why does it still look like a separate piece? And why didn't the judges notice that?

Third, there's the balloon effect on the skirt. We no love.

We also no love those shoes, but that's a different story.

It's just a boring dress with a weird silhouette, wonky boobs, and a panel that either does or does not come off. Confusing. No one should have to think that much about something you could pick up at Dress Barn for 20 bucks.

Model: Matar Cohen

Avant garde: a⋅vant-garde /əˌvɑntˈgɑrd, əˌvænt-, ˌævɑnt-, ˌɑvɑnt-; Fr. avɑ̃ˈgard/
Pronunciation [uh-vahnt-gahrd, uh-vant-, av-ahnt-, ah-vahnt-; Fr. a-vahn-gard]
–noun
1. the advance group in any field, esp. in the visual, literary, or musical arts, whose works are characterized chiefly by unorthodox and experimental methods.

2. a shitty bathing suit with a curtain stapled to it.

What can we say? This was a disaster.

A poorly conceived, poorly executed, badly fitted poop-colored disaster that was about as avant garde as a fart.

In fact, it's a fart in clothing form.

Nina put it best and had the only reaction one could possibly have toward this:

"What IS this?"

We could go on and on about how "avant garde" is meaningless as a directive or style brief (and we probably will for the rest of the week) because it means different things to different people, but we can say with some assurance that NO ONE would consider this avant garde in any way, shape or form. There's nothing forward-thinking about this; nothing that challenges the audience in any way. It's a very basic garment, poorly executed, with a last-minute desperate addition of a big, incongruous poof.

In that sense, it was a perfect summation of their time together as a team.

We keep going back and forth, trying to find a person to blame here. Qristyl threw Epperson under the bus! But Epperson deserved it because he took over and treated her badly! But she should have asserted herself without being so defensive! But! But!

Oh, to hell with it. They both acted badly and it showed in the final product.

Extended judging:


[Photos: Mike Yarish/myLifetime.com - Video: myLifetime.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]



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The Vast Middle

Everyone back in the dress pool!

Epperson:

We're all for Easy Sewer's calm, cool, and collected demeanor but come on, Epperson. Give the editors something to work with. He's spoken a total of about 15 words in two episodes.

Then again...

Model: Erica Malde

He certainly gives us plenty to work with.

Kittens, this is AWFUL.

As jumpsuits go, it's well made and a little stylish. The problem is, it's a jumpsuit for a pregnant woman. Look what that bump does. It's pulling and stretching that fabric like there's no tomorrow. No pregnant woman wants a look that screams "This doesn't fit me properly!"

And we keep looking, but can't seem to find how exactly she's supposed to get in and out of this thing. If she's as far along as Rebecca Romijn, she's going to need to get out of that thing quite often in order to pee.

But the worst move of all, was that vest thing, which looks like she's wearing a tablecloth. Sorry, Epperson. We think you're cool and we think you're talented, but this was impractical and unflattering from top to bottom.

Gordana:

Model: Tara Egan

J'ADORE.

This one snuck up on us and it took more than one viewing to realize what a stylish, well-made look this is.

The colors are sophisticated and the look is flattering, comfortable, and stylish. Mitchell, THIS is a going to lunch outfit for the chic mom-to-be. Take notes.

We love the subtlety of it. The straps are interesting, the cardigan is practical and stylish, and the layered hem makes a nice touch. Finishing it off with tights so she doesn't flash her hoo-ha to the world was perfect.

Irina:

Model: Celine Chua

It's definitely a cute dress and it's certainly well made, but something about it isn't sitting right with us.

For one, we hate that pot scrubber/loofah she attached to the sash. It comes close to ruining a nice simple design. Another problem is that not only is the skirt way too short for a maternity dress, it rises in the front as if she had never considered the bump at all. One good wind and the world's your obstetrician.

We do like the colors, though. We always did have a fondness for tone on tone.

But ultimately, the problem with this dress is that it's a little too cute. In that sense, it's a bit retro, hearkening back to the days when pregnant women were expected to dress like desexualized baby dolls. A Betty Draper dress.


Tim Gunn's Workroom Critique:







In other news, the latest entry in the T Lo Awards is now up. Go!



[Photos: Mike Yarish/myLifetime.com - Videos: myLifetime.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]



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