"Country Strong" LA Special Screening

OUR EYES!!!

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Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Her Star

And all is right with the world.

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Elie Saab's Most Memorable Gowns

A little palate cleanser for those of us who still smell like turkey.

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ELLE's 17th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute

Ladies who launch.

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Gwyneth Paltrow in Vogue Magazine

She invented cooking, you know.

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2010 CFDA Awards

It's fashion's prom night, kittens!

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In or Out: Gwyneth Paltrow

Fine. We'll be nice.

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In or Out: Gwyneth Paltrow

Everyone's favorite lifestyle guru with a fake British accent steps out on the carpet.

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In or Out:: Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow at the Children of The City Champions of Hope Benefit Gala in New York City wearing Preen and Giuseppe Zanotti ankle boots.

Yikes.

Preen Fall 2009 Collection

Model: Edita Vilkeviciute

It's not a bad dress, but for some reason it's not the dress for her. It's not very flattering and she's not wearing it well. We just want to walk up to her and yank the skirt into place. Of course, that would probably get us arrested, but we'd have public support on our side during the trial since most of the public would like to walk up to her and at the very least pull her hair or maybe just get in her face and yell at her. Oh, sorry. We got sidetracked. So the dress looks askew and ill-fitting, the hair looks like she just came from a water aerobics class, and the personality (or, more accurately, "personality") is a complete turnoff. OUT.

The booties are cute though.

[Photos: Getty Images/Style.com]


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Ugh. We're doing this for you.

We've been far too easy on ourselves lately, kittens. Throw up a post about some actress on the red carpet, say something bitchy, clock out for the day. In order to shake things up, we're going to do something extremely difficult for us. We're going to expose ourselves to that most distasteful of celebrities, Gwyneth Paltrow.

We're doing this for you, bitches.


Here's Gwyneth on the cover of ELLE UK, The Fashion Issue, March 2009 in Dolce & Gabbana. That's funny. We always thought you had to make the clothes look good in order to get on the cover of a fashion magazine.

Before we get to that, let's examine the inner workings of Gwynnie's mind, shall we? Here's what she had to say in the issue:

“I saw this blog of people writing horrible things about me. And, you know, for a second you lose perspective and your ego is so wounded. You think, how could people hate me or hate my intentions or what I’m trying to do? I’m a good person and I’m trying to put good things into the world. I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes £15,000 a year. That would be completely inauthentic. I know what my intention is – and if it makes one person’s life better, then it’s worth it. And f**k the haters!”

Those dirty, dirty bloggers! With their horrible opinions and everything! "How could people hate me?" cries Gwynnie to the cold, unforgiving stars. And because they are both cold and unforgiving, no reply is forthcoming. She turns away and wraps her D&G Minnie Mouse blouse tighter around herself to keep away the chill. She knows what she's doing, and if it makes just one grimy person in a lower tax bracket happy, she will be vindicated. Yes. Fuck the haters, indeed.

Oh, whatever. Let's rip her clothes.

Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2009 Collection
Model: Isabeli Fontana

We don't exactly love the look and we get that models are paid to make clothes look good, but why does this look so bad on the Elle cover? Why does Gwynnie look like she's wearing diapers?


We get it. Really, we do. D&G are working in this silhouette right now and that's fine. Some of these looks work better than others. We tend to like the two in the middle although there's some nice layering going on in the first look.

We can't help it, though. It just reminds us of this:

And honey? That ain't good.


More pics:




[Photos: Matt Jones via elleuk.com/Style.com/Barbara Nitke via bravotv.com]

The Wax Museum

This has been all over the celebrity blogosphere the last couple of days, but we just can't resist a chance to rag on that entitled bitch, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Her latest cover for W:

WHAT. THE. HELL?

Foregoing the fact that she looks like a '70s porn star in this picture, we can't get over how damn photoshopped she looks. It's like the celebrity machine isn't even trying anymore. They're openly plasticizing celebrities to ridiculously unrealistic extremes now.

Dear Hollywood, NEWSFLASH: people have pores and the public already knows that! I mean, come on. We know what Gwyneth looks like and she doesn't look remotely like that. NO ONE does. When was it decided that "beauty" means wax-like skin and blurred edges?

Sure, Hollywood's always been about presenting unrealistically beautiful people to the public. That tone was set all the way back in the '30s by George Hurrell. Still, we can't help thinking this goes far beyond the airbrushing and trick lighting he pioneered. Now we're at the point where removing ribs is commonplace.

For a sobering slap of reality, take a look at this site. Go to "portfolio" and roll your mouse over the celebrity of your choosing. EDIT: Looks like a lot of people have been linking to it because the bandwidth has been exceeded on the site. Here are a couple pics we've snagged:


We'll say this, Halle Berry is damn near flawless WITHOUT Photoshopping.


And Beyonce got herself a brand new torso! We need to hire our own personal Photoshoppers for all our pictures.

(Photos: iWanex Studio)