Ugh. We're doing this for you.

We've been far too easy on ourselves lately, kittens. Throw up a post about some actress on the red carpet, say something bitchy, clock out for the day. In order to shake things up, we're going to do something extremely difficult for us. We're going to expose ourselves to that most distasteful of celebrities, Gwyneth Paltrow.

We're doing this for you, bitches.


Here's Gwyneth on the cover of ELLE UK, The Fashion Issue, March 2009 in Dolce & Gabbana. That's funny. We always thought you had to make the clothes look good in order to get on the cover of a fashion magazine.

Before we get to that, let's examine the inner workings of Gwynnie's mind, shall we? Here's what she had to say in the issue:

“I saw this blog of people writing horrible things about me. And, you know, for a second you lose perspective and your ego is so wounded. You think, how could people hate me or hate my intentions or what I’m trying to do? I’m a good person and I’m trying to put good things into the world. I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes £15,000 a year. That would be completely inauthentic. I know what my intention is – and if it makes one person’s life better, then it’s worth it. And f**k the haters!”

Those dirty, dirty bloggers! With their horrible opinions and everything! "How could people hate me?" cries Gwynnie to the cold, unforgiving stars. And because they are both cold and unforgiving, no reply is forthcoming. She turns away and wraps her D&G Minnie Mouse blouse tighter around herself to keep away the chill. She knows what she's doing, and if it makes just one grimy person in a lower tax bracket happy, she will be vindicated. Yes. Fuck the haters, indeed.

Oh, whatever. Let's rip her clothes.

Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2009 Collection
Model: Isabeli Fontana

We don't exactly love the look and we get that models are paid to make clothes look good, but why does this look so bad on the Elle cover? Why does Gwynnie look like she's wearing diapers?


We get it. Really, we do. D&G are working in this silhouette right now and that's fine. Some of these looks work better than others. We tend to like the two in the middle although there's some nice layering going on in the first look.

We can't help it, though. It just reminds us of this:

And honey? That ain't good.


More pics:




[Photos: Matt Jones via elleuk.com/Style.com/Barbara Nitke via bravotv.com]