Kell on Earth: The Post Mortem

All over but the shouting.

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Kell on Earth S1E4: Slave Labor

"We're not in fashion. We're in slave labor."

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Kell on Earth S1E3

"Some sort of whackadoo, flip-of-a-bitch happens."

Darlings, it all fell into place for us last night. If you really want to get the most out of your Kell on Earth viewing experience, just think of it as the American Absolutely Fabulous. Once you embrace the absurdity of the world of People's Revolution, it becomes a lot less frustrating. Kelly is Edina, of course, there's a rotating cast of Patsys (this week, it was Emily's turn) and Stephanie Voorhees is Bubble. There. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?

There's a slightly defensive part of ourselves that feels we have to start off each Kell on Earth post by pointing out that we're not naive. Meaning, we're well aware of reality show conventions and how storylines and characters can be created seemingly out of thin air (when really, it's just hundreds of hours of footage). After two episodes depicting the staff of People's Revolution barely able to walk through a room without setting it on fire, this was the "redemption" episode. The one that shows why and how Kelly and her co-workers do what they do.

In other words, this was the "Kelly on her game" episode. Whether she was directing a casting session by telling the model, "A little less Russian; more American," or bemoaning that too many models are too skinny for lingerie, "like...Auschwitz," or dealing with the nightmare marketing person for Agent Provocateur and her frigging birdcages while she has the expected freakout an hour before the show: "A lot of this is ritual. Like, animal mating," in the end you have to marvel at the fact that she'll put up with all this tsuris so a bunch of models can walk through a hotel lobby dressed like strippers.

In other news, another character straight out of Ab Fab, ridiculously difficult and egotistical designer Nicolas "no H" Petrou is putting on an installation of his menswear collection and Edina Monsoon herself couldn't have done it any better:


Petrou turns out to be every bad cliche about fashion designers wrapped up in one little high-strung package, but Kelly handles him like a pro, bluntly telling him his clothes aren't wearable and pulling an endless line of editors and reporters in front of him, only to have him insult them. We have to say, the principals' willingness to declare their clients liars and thieves to the camera does make it all more riveting, yes?

Partner Emily took the co-star role this week and she nicely summed up everything about the PR management style that drives us crazy. Here is how it all goes down when office fuckup extraordinaire Stephanie V. misspells Petrou's name in a press release:

"You misspelled our client's name on a press release?"

"I KNOW! I'm sorry! I don't know what to say."

"Didn't you check this before you sent it out?"

"I'M SORRY! I KNOW! I can't take it back!"

"Okay." *stomps off*

That's "management" in the world of People's Revolution, where, if your assistant is clearly fucking up everything she touches, endangering client relations, you say, "Stephanie has made so many mistakes, I just hope it doesn't affect the outcome of the event." and then say, "I'm gonna put on some pajamas."

Ah well, at least we got to see models in pasties parade around a hotel lobby. How insanely high-strung was that lingerie bitch? LADY: THEY'RE BIRDCAGES. CALM DOWN.

Here are more pics of the Nicolas Petrou installation. It's an eye-catching gimmick but you really can't see the clothes at all. Too distracting. Still, a decent way to get some press.






[Photos: petrouman.com/BravoTV.com]


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Kell on Earth S1E2

Manager of the Year, 2010

Darlings there was one question and one question only running through our heads last night watching this episode.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

But first, a little autobiographical diversion. Tom once worked for a high-volume, short-turnaround advertising agency full of extreme personalities. Now, Tom loved the fact that it was such an insane, stressful job because he got to spend his days with over-the-top personalities doing what he loves to do best: marrying the creative side of the industry to the business side, making sure everyone winds up happy. Unfortunately, this agency was run by a bunch of rank amateurs who had zero managerial skills and the interpersonal skills to match. The point? The most exciting, creative, insanely fun jobs in the world can be ruined when the people in charge don't do their damn jobs. Tom spent 5 years there, 3 of which he loved, 2 of which left him fetal every night when he got home. If there's one thing Tom can't abide (and there isn't. There are DOZENS of things he can't abide), it's seeing a poorly run company.

Now, Kell on Earth is a reality show and one must always remember when discussing reality shows the very first rule of reality shows: There is no reality. As such, we're not going to state definitively that People's Revolution is one of the worst-run companies we've ever seen. We don't know that. We only know what's on our TV screen and what's on our TV screen sure looks like one of the worst-run companies we've ever encountered.

As an aside, we had a litte debate last night as to just how staged this show might be. We came to the conclusion that it's probably one of the least staged reality shows we've ever seen, mainly because everyone's so insanely busy they can't possibly have the time to run through staged scenarios, not to mention that as a publicist, her clients wouldn't be too happy to see that sort of thing. We're not saying there's NO staging, just not on the level of a show like, say, Flipping Out.

So. Back to this unbelievably poorly run company. Look, we're not engaging in ageism here (okay, maybe a little), but you can't stock your company ENTIRELY with inexperienced 20-somethings. Sure, they bring a lot of energy and a willingness to learn, but someone, somewhere in your organization has to have a little bit of experience in order to pull the team together. These frikking students can't use a printer or stamp an envelope without fucking it up.

But we don't blame the kids here. Apparently the managerial style at PR is to have all the managers give really vague instructions to the staff and then not check up on their progress. Then, when they find out at the last second that the kids fucked something up, they freak out and do it themselves. That's like textbook bad management. That's the kind of stuff that you role play at horrible corporate retreats in order to demonstrate how not to run a business.

To put it in the most blunt terms, we'll just repeat what we screamed at the TV last night when Kelly addressed all her various managerial problems by burning incense: "HEY! HOW ABOUT YOU PUT DOWN THE SAGE AND PICK UP THE PHONE AND HIRE A FUCKING OFFICE MANAGER!"

In other news, that cute little Irish lucky charm was magically delicious, wasn't he? Terrible handwriting and none too bright, but he's the first real bit of eye candy we've seen on this show.

Honestly, we can't imagine that this show is doing her reputation any good. We said last week that we don't live in their world and we can't imagine all the pitfalls and difficulties of navigating it, but watching them almost completely fuck up the seating for the Ralph Rucci show had us asking how hard it can be. Seriously, how hard can it be to make up a seating list full of your RSVPs and then seat them when they show up? Sure, things go wrong and it's a high stress situation but we saw absolutely nothing that couldn't be attributed to their own fuckups. And you just don't stand in the lobby of the tents at Bryant Park screaming at people to get out of the line if they weren't invited. That's not classy and it's not professional.

On the other hand, we came away from the show not exactly loving Ralph Rucci himself. Sure, he was under a lot of stress and we wouldn't expect him to come off lovable, but still. Prissy, self-important, and impossible to work with is how he looked to us.

Which leads to our next point: the show instantly becomes more interesting when they're not in the office. Bryant Park, model castings, installations. That's why we want to watch this show. Ten minutes of drama over where they keep the stamps or a half hour over a printer malfunction (They have no IT people on-site. Unbe-fucking-lievable) is a little too close to home for most people who work in an office. The point to a show like this is to watch the goings-on behind the scenes in the fashion world. Not to watch clueless interns stand their with their mouths open while Kelly has another eruption over something that ultimately, is her own damn fault.

Anyway, here's the Chado Ralph Rucci spring 2010 collection from last night's show. Beautiful, yes?

[Photos: BravoTV.com/Style.com]


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Kell on Earth S1E1

"Life's not fair. Look around."

We had to sit through three viewings of this show to get a handle on it. It's not that it's a complicated show, but it is a unique one and we wanted to really gather our thoughts and hash it out. Our first impulse was that, even though it's exactly the kind of show we eat up with a spoon, it isn't a given that there's a large enough audience interested in this topic to keep the show afloat. We could be wrong about that. We hope we are.

See, whenever you get this sort of behind-the-scenes look at the fashion world, it tends to focus on the editor/designer/model spheres. The truth of it is, when you get past the editor/designer/model spheres, there's a much larger army of people who make what we call "fashion" happen. It's all the down and dirty, so-far-from-glamorous-it's-not-even-on-the-map stuff and we LOVE that shit. The fashion world isn't all salons and editor's offices in high rises and state of the art design studios. The majority of the people behind the scenes driving the engine of this multi-billion dollar business don't walk around in cover-of-the-magazine ensembles like on Ugly Betty or The Devil Wears Prada. They're down in the trenches making a ton of shit happen. Fashion from the foxhole perspective.

In the center of this war zone is the one person holding the whole operation together, Kelly Cutrone, founder of People's Revolution, a PR firm specializing in a fashion-designer clientele. Kelly is intense, and unusual, and harsh, and occasionally unsure of herself, but one thing she's not is a bitch, at least not in the classic reality TV format (See: Real Housewives of Anywhere). She's got a lot of money and a lot of people riding on her and she's dealing with some fairly intense personalities. She's an unconventional woman leading an extremely high-stress lifestyle. Sure, she yells at people, but not once did we see her yell at anyone who didn't deserve it. She's not a diva and she's good at what she does. That alone sets her and this show apart from so much reality TV dross.

On top of everything else, she's a single mom with an unusual work/home situation. People's Revolution operates on several floors surrounding her apartment in the same building. Then there's the partner who appears to be homeless and living on the showroom floor. Like we said, these aren't the typical fashion people you see on TV or the movies.

She's surrounded by a pretty decent-sized staff, as well as a couple of partners. They all sit around this relatively small workspace and just yell out to each other constantly. We don't know how they manage to work like that. And while there are at least a couple of colorful characters, like the goth, cross-dressing Andrew M., Kelly's new assistant, people aren't playing to the cameras and the drama isn't contrived. Although granted, having all this drama hinge on a run-of-the-mill tech problem like a printer malfunction did have us questioning the organizational skills of some of the people involved. Then again, we don't live in their world.

In addition to the engaging Andrew M. ("What I'm wearing has the power to entrance you!"), who bluntly tells the camera that client Ralph Rucci is "snobby" and "a difficult client" and whose crush on a client's model has Kelly calling them up and saying, "Our children want to date each other," in order to arrange a hookup, we have Andrew S., who used to be a hairdresser in L.A. but came to New York "to be called a retard," and who tried to push an Ativan on a stressed out co-worker with the immortal (to us, anyway) lines, "You're only a pill popper if you do it when you're not stressed out. During fashion week it's fine."

Said stressed co-worker being Stephanie S., who is not to be confused with the other cute blonde 20-something, Stephanie V. Why are there so many people with the same name working at People's Revolution? Some sort of Noah's Ark theme? Anyway, the various Andrews and Stephanies are struggling mightily to assemble a list of RSVPs and come up with a seating chart for the Chado Ralph Rucci show. That doesn't sound like much, but when your RSVPs include Martha Stewart and Cathy Horyn, and when you consider, as Kelly explains, that you're seating competing members of the press in the same venue with A list celebrities, you've got a LOT to consider. Especially when everyone wants to be in the front row. Or as Andrew M. succinctly, and once again, bluntly put it, "Every single person on the seating chart has an enormous ego."

Will they get their printer to correctly print out the seating list in time for Ralph Rucci's show? Tune in next week to find out! Like we said, that doesn't sound like the normal reality TV plotline, but we don't live in their world, although we do find it pretty damn fascinating.

And on top of everything else, we get fabulous fashion. We got to see Spanish designer Davidelfin's spring 2010 collection from in front of the scrim and behind it. And kittens?




It's fabulous.

Watching Kelly and her staff basically pull the whole show off from top to bottom makes for fascinating television as far as we're concerned. It's the perfect show for people interested in the fashion world and an education for those people who don't know much about it.

You can watch the full episode online here.

[Photos: BravoTV.com/Style.com]

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Kell on Earth

Oh, kittens. Our February is going to be exhausting.

Darlings, you know the old saw about how "bitch" is a term used as a weapon against smart, ambitious, take-no-shit women? Well, Kelly Cutrone is the biggest bitch you'll ever meet. Of course, you're not likely to meet her unless you run in the same circles, but fortunately we have reality television to show us the way as Kelly gets her own show on Bravo:

"Get a behind the scenes look at the high-powered and fast-paced world of fashion PR when Bravo debuts its newest series "Kell on Earth," featuring public relations guru Kelly Cutrone. Cutrone has been called one of the "coolest, most intimidating persons ever," and, judging from her frank demeanor and fashion world credibility, it's easy to see why. Bravo takes a no holds barred look into the life of one of America's most legitimate tastemakers as she balances running her wildly successful fashion PR company, People's Revolution, juggling Fashion Weeks in New York and London, with being a single mother and one of New York's most notable women about town."

You might have seen Kelly in The Hills or in Jay McCarroll's documentary, "Eleven Minutes," or maybe you've picked up her book (with the best title ever), "If You Have to Cry, Go Outside," but now, Kelly's got a show all to herself and it should be a very entertaining (if loud) ride. The world behind the scrim is fascinatingly loud, frenetic, dirty, and crazy, and smack in the middle of all that chaos is Kelly Cutrone.

This is a show we simply can't pass up writing about, so we're warning you now. The show premieres Monday, February 1st at 10 and we'll be adding it to our ever-increasing roster of blog topics, so you better get yourself acquainted by meeting her team and watching some preview videos. Strap yourselves in, bitches.

Meet the team:

Andrew Mukamal

As Cutrone’s new assistant, Andrew is a welcome addition to People’s Revolution, acting as a sounding board and ally for the other employees. While his high-end “goth” style may raise eyebrows, Andrew’s extensive knowledge and love of fashion makes him a valuable and beloved asset to Cutrone and People’s Revolution. He admittedly has no long-term interest in public relations and longs to become a fashion stylist, but knows his time at People’s Revolution will be a huge stepping stone for him in the fashion world.

Emily Bungert
A true power publicist and a partner at People’s Revolution, she meticulously helps steer the company towards excellence. She has a blunt and assertive approach to work, but her no-holds-barred attitude sometimes puts her at odds with the other staff members. Emily has recently assumed the guillotine lead from Cutrone - leaving her to be the head of the firing squad this season. Bungert is an unapologetic toughie with heart of a hometown Minnesota girl.


Robyn Berkley
A partner at People’s Revolution, she is the heartbeat of the agency. Cutrone refers to her lovingly and jokingly as her wife or sister. She is a break-out star in the industry and holds the business up as Cutrone pioneers the next plateau. Berkley drank the PR kool aid and didn’t even have enough time to find a new apartment as she had a special needs stalker which made her move – so she took refuge on the fifth floor of People’s Revolution where Cutrone waits to hear her footsteps in the morning before another crazy day ensues. Her sweet exterior combined with her penchant for perfection and intolerance for excuses has earned her the nickname – Snow White with Razor Blades.


Stefanie Skinner
Stefanie is Cutrone’s former assistant and has recently been promoted to Junior Executive. Having quit People’s Revolution once due to the long hours and the non-stop pace, Stefanie is back and has become one of Cutrone’s most beloved employees. Struggling to balance her personal life with her work life is one of Stefanie’s major conflicts, but her dedication to her job shines through in the most hectic of times.

[Photos: Mary Ellen/BravoTV.com - Videos: BravoTV.com]


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