Stylista: Clueless Bitches

Darlings, we're still reeling from the shock of last night (Michelle Obama's dress), but we're willing to forge onward and put last week's Stylista to bed so we can settle in for tonight's trainwreck.


Coincidence that the shoes are arranged in rainbow flag order? We think not. We smell a gay production assistant with a sense of humor.


Remember darlings, the point to watching this show is not so we can have in-depth discussions about the challenges and creativity of the contestants a la Project Runway. No, the point is to laugh and point at the morons who don't know what a dart is.


Oh, and to make fun of Anne too. Dear GOD, woman. What the hell made you think that a dress that gives you not just a gut, but TWO guts was a good idea? We've never seen a fashion editor in so dire a need of a makeover (not counting Andre Leon Talley, who needs more of an intervention than a makeover).


We actually liked the challenge. It was in line with what a junior editor would be asked to do, it gave us a glimpse of the pretend Elle closet, and it really separated the wheat from the chaff in terms of who deserves to be there and who doesn't.


Unfortunately, apparently almost none of them deserve to be there.


And for all our ragging on her, Anne did get a couple of good zingers in there.


We also liked the second challenge. It gives the viewer the chance to have an opinion (which is a must for reality competitions and one of the reasons we never got into Top Chef) and it is once again something a junior editor would be asked to do.


And say what you will about the judges, we happened to agree with almost everything they had to say. This page had promise. The layout and subject matter were interesting choices but they kind of dropped the ball on the pictures.


Ashlie honey, you've gotta ditch these bitches and get your ass on a winning team, because this:


Sucked. Again, good choices for the page but the layout was horrible. Joe Zee was exactly right when he said it looked more like an advertisement than an editorial. Too busy and confusing.


Team Sad.


It wasn't bad. The concept worked and the layout was decent but not great.


The pictures, on the other hand were HORRIBLE.


And let's face it, screwing up the captions was a major fuckup.


Maybe Dyshaun won't be such a cocky smack-talking bitch after this but somehow, we doubt it.


And while the argument could be made that Dyshaun should have gone home for his screwup, we can't say we disagreed with the judges' choice. Jason was not only responsible for the terrible pictures, but he unfortunately demonstrated that he simply can't handle the atmosphere of working for a major fashion magazine. As tasks go, this was a relatively minor one and for all his bitching, his team mates didn't really treat him all that badly.


Sure, panic attacks are debilitating things, but to us, that means that if you suffer that badly from them, you shouldn't willingly put yourself into high-stress situations.

So, what's up for tonight's slow motion car crash?

Is anyone else starting to doubt the authenticity of William's accent or is it just us?

In other news, Kate can't buy a cupcake without help.


Okay, Goldie's eye makeup is going to drive us crazy.

In other news, we can add Kate to the list of people that Ashlie wants to beat with a stick.


[Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com - Video: YouTube/CWtelevision]

Stylista: The Claws Are OUT

Man, there is nothing like a bunch of camera-hungry students willing to fuck themselves over for their 15 minutes of fame, is there? We're going to need to retire the term "trainwreck" because we've used it so much to describe this show. For now, we'll go with "clusterfuck," but we're really going to need to come up with something unique.


Boobs.


Crying boobs.

Who sits on the bathroom floor and has a good cry except for maybe Edie Sedgwick on a bender?


We kind of love Cologne but man, that Cactus Flower eye makeup has got to go.


Dyshaun's kind of a snivelling little bitch. We can respect and even root for the in-your-face bitches like Megan, but everything he does is behind someone's back.

And speaking of which...



DEE-FUCKING-LICIOUS.



These two alpha bitches spent the entire episode peeing in a circle, marking their territory. We hope for nothing so much as an entire season of Alexis and Dominique here ripping each other's eyeballs out.


Here's the thing: Megabitch Megan...well, we're actually starting to root for her just a tiny bit. Like we said, she puts it all the hell out there and we imagine if you were to walk up to her and say "Wow, you're kind of a bitch," she'd look at you blankly for a full minute and then say "Yeah...AND?"


Ashlie, on the other hand, is convinced of her moral superiority and we'd rather she just came out and said "I fucking hate her because she's the main thing standing between me and the big prize," instead of wrapping it up in a lot of "I'm doing this because she's EEEVIL."

Wow. That was a lot of unneeded analysis about two bitches fighting in an alleyway.


We love when young people on a reality show think that "calling a meeting to yell at each other about how much we hate each other" is somehow going to be productive.

And honey?

WHAT the fuck are you WEARING? It's like Smurfette joined Mummenschanz.

Now.

Let's talk about this one.


He seems like a sweet kid, but what the fuck is someone like that doing on a reality show? And why does an "aspiring designer" not know the most basic fashion terms?


It was like he planned to have a panic attack.


"I need to talk to you guys because tomorrow I plan on collapsing into a pile of tears. Oh, and I may stop breathing for a while, okay? Don't block the camera."


Seriously, this was embarrassing.


It's not as if the show will ever have a lot of credibility but it's at least to their credit that they sent him home because not eliminating someone who can't even handle a basic grunt editorial assignment would have been a joke.

Well. More of a joke.

[Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]

T LOunge

Is once again open for business, y'all! Since we'll be watching another trainwreck tonight, we're all hopping aboard the bar car of the Maharashtra Limited on the Royal Indian Rail Line! Leaves every Wednesday from Mumbai bitches, so get your passports and update your shots! Toot-toot!

Alas, no more bobbleheads to give out, but at least we can all get drunk together and watch self-involved students rip each other to shreds tonight. Special bonus: Tootie Slowey in another clown getup! Also, don't forget about Top Design at ten!

Now, who's buying? That bar only fits 3 people so we'll have to go up in shifts.