Final Four, Final Thoughts

As true afficionados of all things Project Runway, it's interesting to note the patterns that seem to play out every season. When the number of designers get whittled down to the point that there are only two goals left: to make it to the final 4 and then to make it to the final 3, all the drama and personality conflicts seem to just melt away and what we're left with are four or five really talented people, secure in the knowledge that they're really talented and sharing in a camaraderie that overcomes prior clashes or differences in style and personality.

(Wendy Pepper is of course the exception here, but since she's going to have to bear the mantle of being the biggest bitch the show's ever seen for years to come, we think it's safe to say she's the exception that proves the rule.)

You couldn't find four more different people than Uli, Laura, Michael, and Jeffrey and yet, as seems to almost always be the case at this point, the four of them seem relaxed with each other and to genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Plus, it's always at this point that they tend to get a little loopy.

Okay, a lot loopy.

We're not so naive as to think that they're all BFF's now, but the way they're so relaxed and even intimate with each other is both refreshing and a joy to watch.

When we think of past seasons at this point, we think of Kara Saun trying to help Jay out with his Nancy O'Dell dress, or Kara hustling to help Chloe finish her plant dress even though Kara's own garment wasn't complete, or the tears shed over Nick's auf'ing and the anger over Austin's, or even Daniel V. having a heart-to-heart with the other designers about his recent coming-out.

Oh sure, the bitchery always comes back with the reunion show and Bryant Park, but it's nice after 10 or so weeks of manufactured drama to just watch the remaining designers, all of whom have strong fan followings at this point (again, disregard La Pepper), laugh and joke and help each other out, forgetting for a moment that they're supposed to be Backstabbing Bitches of Fashion.

Mother Jugs

Kudos to Mrs. Seal for finally wearing a couple of outfits that didn't make us laugh. Last Wednesday may have been the first time all season that someone in our living room didn't say "What the hell is she wearing?"

She looked really cute in this little number.

But she looked downright HAWT in this one. DAYUM!

Even WE had a hard time keeping our eyes on her face. She must've figured "All the queens are eliminated! Time to show my titties!"

But Schätzchen, you probably shouldn't throw terms like "Milk maid" around when you're looking like that.

Break it down one time.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Bravo execs? A suggestion. Next season, have the first 3 challenges be "Design for a Hooker," Design for a Stripper," and "Design for a Porn Star." Just let the designers get it out of their systems.

"Nina, my story is...she's rich; right? Really classy. And she's just coming out of the shower, ok? And uh... the poolboy barges in! She barely has enough time to get her evening gown on!"

We love Michael and we're glad he made it to OFW, but he was obviously fashion-fried at this point and he'd just had his muse - who just happened to be the best model of the season - taken away from him unexpectedly. We've all been there.

Well...okay, none of us have been there, but still.

Still cute, though.

Three things:

1. His rejected designs look more interesting than his final one.
2. You can tell he was still sketching for Nazri and that's probably what tripped him up the most.

3. His sketch for his final design looks a helluva lot more interesting than what he produced.

Let's break it down; shall we?

Poor choice of fabric. The color is a little tacky and the excessive shininess screams "PROMSLUT!"

Second problem: poor styling choices, both in the photo and on the runway. All she needed was a pair of clear-heeled shoes and a pole at the end of the runway and the image would have been complete.

This is basically Act 2 of every Lifetime movie. The part after the troubled daughter runs away and gets herself into a hot mess, but just before the mother heroically sets out to rescue her.

Final problem: Poor execution and fit - which is the most surprising of all, since Michael is usually meticulous in these areas.

And speaking of areas...it's not just that the poor fit gave Clarissa a little belly bump; it's that it gave her a very oddly shaped, lop-sided, baby alien belly bump.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THERE?

Laurology

Okay, we admit it.

When we saw where Laura was heading, we were underwhelmed. Granted, "wow the judges" is about as articulate a design challenge as "make something pretty," but we were afraid that "doing what I do, better than I've ever done it," while plucky, probably wasn't what the judges wanted to see.

On the one hand, we were right; on the other hand, so was Laura. She didn't win it, but it seemed that she made a conscious choice to produce something that she knew would get her to OFW and lo and behold, it did. Her mama didn't raise no fool.

As for the dress, it's beautiful and probably one of the most perfectly executed garments in all 3 seasons of the show. While we agreed somewhat with the judges that Laura needs to widen her point of view slightly, we also think they overstated the point.

For one, up to now, Laura has not had any professional experience in fashion, which means she's never produced a collection. That she is focussed on a particular aesthetic right now doesn't necessarily mean that she only has one point of view.

Second, we started thinking about it and realized she's not as repetitive as some (including us) have been saying. Look at what she's produced during the competition:

For all the talk from the Duchess of never wanting to see another one from her again, she only ever produced two garments with what could be called "plunging" necklines. Looking at her garments all together like this, it's interesting how much it looks like a collection. She has a concise point of view and there are certain design elements she returns to again and again (lace, beading, "exuberant" collars), but she doesn't make the same dress over and over and she doesn't design only for herself.

As a point of comparison, look at Uli's competition work:

There 's a hell of a lot more similarity of form going on there. Ironically, even though this grouping is far more repetitive, it somehow looks less like a collection than Laura's does. We don't mean to be ragging on Uli. She also has a strong point of view that she executes masterfully, so it's practically inevitable that she and Laura get compared so often.

It struck us that part of the reason the "narrow" placard gets hung on Laura's neck has as much to do with what she wore during the competition as it did with what she produced for the competition.

That's a consequence of having a strong point of view and the force of personality to consistently and fabulously express it, which our girl has in spades. Right Laura?

"Fuck, yeah!"

Peanut Provocateur

Sorry, Jeffreyphiles. We hated this one.

Y'know, it really says something about Jeffrey that when he thinks "Romantic, provocative," he thinks of the St. Pauli Girl.

It's to his credit that he consistently makes the attempt to work outside his expectations. That can't be said of any of the other designers this season. The problem is, he doesn't do well outside of his comfort zone, which forces the question, Is he to be commended for shaking things up or condemned for not realizing his limitations?

The jet-setter outfit? The couture dress? They worked because Jeffrey took those challenges and molded his style and strengths to them. Simply declaring "I'm going to shake things up" isn't enough of a design statement. In fact, it's not a statement at all; it's a reaction.

He's got a very strong aesthetic and when he's working within the boundaries of that aesthetic, he's capable of producing some really interesting stuff. Thing is, Jeffrey doing "romantic" is about as good a fit as Laura doing "hip-hop" or Uli doing business wear.

And, well...this is a bit nasty, but Jeffrey always seems to make expensive fabrics look cheap.

"I made a dress like this once before and people almost cried when they saw it."

Well, we can certainly understand that.

As with so much of Jeffrey's stuff, this just looks rough and unfinished. Yes, it could be said that this is his style, but another question that has to be asked at this point is, can he just not sew?

Uli made a dress in less than a day, Laura made an incredibly intricate, hand-beaded dress in two days. This was a relatively simple dress, so there's just no excuse for pulling a Libretti and whipping out the glue gun.

Awwww. They are totally going to be voted cutest couple by the Prom Committee. They're like those old "Love is..." tchotchkes. "Love is...wearing a poorly fitted skirt with bugs on it."

Okay, now we want jobs at Elle.

We have burning real estate envy when we look at Nina's office. We especially love the fact that she apparently doesn't feel the need to provide seating for anyone other than herself. She made a pregnant woman sit on an air conditioner. That's a level of fabulous bitchery of which we can only sit in awe.

Betcha her staff has to sit on the floor when she's pissed off.

We fully support any office dress code that sees spangled tank tops as appropriate and encouraged. What do they wear on casual Fridays? Bathing suits?

Mrowr, Chica! Hot! We're as gay as pink Christmas trees, but who wouldn't want a bitchy Latin woman in kickass shoes to make you sit on the windowsill in her fabulous office, bark orders at you, and kick you out? Where do we send our resumés?

They should have wrestled for it.

"I'm gonna pick...Nazri."

"Ha.

I'm gonna kill you in your sleep, y'know."

"WHAT?! Ohmigod, are you kidding me? Look at me! Did you see how I worked the shit out of every frikkin art camp project I had to wear? That paper dress? I was FIERCE! You people are big STUPIDHEADS and when I'm on the cover of Vogue - because who the hell wants to be in Elle anyway - you know what it'll say? I'll tell you what it'll say! It'll say "AMANDA FIELDS IS FIERCE! SUCK IT, BITCHES!!!!!!"

"I'm sorry, Lindsay!"

"Fuck off, Swiss Miss. Yeah, that's right. You better be looking both ways when you come outta that tent at Bryant Park, Bitch."

"Heh.

Suck it, Bitches."

Everybody Wins!

And Project Runway takes one step closer to the Special Olympics. Next season, there will be someone permanently stationed at the end of the runway to give out hugs. We recommend Andre Leon Talley.

It's a cute, sassy dress and that's saying something coming from Uli. While some of us thought it looked a little too "Star Trek," the general consensus on the couch last night was that she done good. Loved the collar and trim and loved how she arranged the tie-dye pattern to mimic the female form. She may only have a couple notes to play, but Uli plays them like a virtuoso.

Every time Uli stands next to her model, the resultant "Uli explosion" burns another hole in our TV screen. Bravo better buy us a new TV after the season's over. This one's about shot. The people in the Claritin commercials all have weird, hippy, beach-party patterns on their faces as they stoically inform us of the oily discharge side-effects.

But let's be honest here, there's one model who consistently sells the garments better than any other and all the designers have been itching to use her. Uli got her chance, and god bless her devious little Teutonic heart, she dumped poor Lindsay like a pimp with a ho on her 40th birthday. Lindsay's all "Shit, I worked a dozen Janis Joplin dresses for that bitch and this is what I get?" Nazri's all "Eat it, bitches. I'm fabulous." And she is. The picture Uli took of her with the street band was fantastic.

That girl can work just about anything.



Edited to add: For the completionists and the curious, the band's name is a dropdead star.