Saturnalia

That Saturn guy was a little minty, wasn't he? Anyone who can stand next to Tim Gunn and make him look like a big hulking slab o' man is quite the little will o' the wisp.

Anyway.

Kittens, we hear a lot of you bitch and moan whenever they do these "unconventional materials" challenges. We gotta say, we don't agree. Last night's show really demonstrates not only why these challenges are appropriate for a design competition, but also why they're golden for a reality television show. To wit: you get to see some stunningly beautiful fashion that really shows you who the creative ones are AND you get some godawful trainwrecks walking down the runway with the extra added bonus of a complete mental breakdown. Score!

So CONGRATS JUDY NOODLES!

Darlings, this was absolutely stunning. Her best work in the competition by far.

Look at that list of materials she used. You would NEVER know that she ripped them out of a car (unlike a LOT of the entries last night).

And it was gorgeously executed.

Her seam placements are just beautiful and they really draw the eye in interesting ways, effectively countering a highly unusual silhouette.

She really did manage to blow that girl's hips up to twice their size and yet still produce a beautiful and, in its own way, flattering silhouette.

This was clearly not meant to be worn by everyday people in everyday situations. This is FASHION with a capital F and sometimes, the look works not because it classically flatters a woman's body, but because it's so beautiful in its own right.

The other design element that really makes this look like high end couture was the pleated, fringed trim made out of seatbelts. GOR-JUS. PERFECTLY executed, they compliment the somewhat hard-edged effect of the leather. Just the right touch of frill without being too frilly.

Seatbelts! Crazy.

Little Judy Bernly's been struggling at the Xerox machine for a while now and it's really gratifying to see her come back into her own as a designer and a competitor. This look was so well done that we think it puts Leanne firmly at the top of the short list for Bryant Park.

When we grabbed our seats for the screening of the Shear Genius finale, the last ten minutes or so of PR was running on the screen - without any sound. It was infuriating seeing who was in and who was auf without being able to hear any of it. "He's crying!" we shrieked hysterically. "Why is my man crying?!?"

"Wait. YOUR man?!" And then we hit each other with our beaded clutches.

Fortunately, we ran to Laura's after the party and sat with her and watched the episode complete with inside judgery scoop - all of which will be revealed later as well as the story behind that picture with Nina. We are so good to you bitches.

Anyway, our poor Muscle Mormon had an almost Andrae level of breakdown last night. Except he acted a little douchey to boot.

This was sad. There's really no other way to put it. A sad sack.

"I'm more worried about what the judges are going to think than what I'm going to design and that's not a comfortable position to be in as a designer."

No, studly. It's a disastrous position to be in - and one that was entirely of your own choosing.

That's the thing with self-proclaimed self-taught designers. They've never been through a critical process and they don't know how to respond to it. Keith chose second-guessing himself and being a jerk to the people around him.

"Watch the breathing. Do not sit down."

Seriously? If you have to say that to your model, you're in deep shit. Not that he didn't realize he was in deep shit, but he tried his best to claim it was everyone else's fault instead of admitting he made a piece of shit garment.

We'll give him credit for one thing. Like Leanne's, he did manage to obscure the fact that he used car parts to make it.

Unfortunately, it was so poorly made and such a blah design on top of it, he would have been better off tying two headlights over her boobs and strapping a bumper to her ass.

Honestly, it was a little uncomfortable to watch last night. He really tried to do something outside his own aesthetic and totally crashed and burned. It's just poorly made, which became painfully obvious when the mere act of sitting caused it to come apart, and really poorly fitted.

Then again, Keith never did much in the way of fitted work and it's looking like he's not very good at it.

And WHAT the fuck is THAT? Was he hoping that the judges would only see the front of the garment?

Like we said, it was tough to watch last night. He clearly hasn't developed the tools to handle constructive criticisms - choosing, as he did, to characterize them as insults - but La Grande Duchess flicked open her fan and shut that down right quick:

"Guess what? You're going out there in the public, OK? You're throwing yourself into a situation that people are going to comment. You might not love the comment.You let it roll off your back and you get back to the next project."

Amen, sister.

But we don't care what you all think or how badly he cracked under strain, our hearts swelled to ten times their size when he bawled like a cute little musclebaby.

Or maybe those were our crotches.

Keith's exit interview:




More pics:




[Photos: Barbara Nitke/Bravo - Videos: Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]
[Additional Pictures: Courtesy of Lisa Gilpin/Saturn/Rethink Design]