fantasy old factory: Shear Genius Finale Party!

Darlings, Mommy and Daddy had to walk the streets to make a buck and we're so very far behind on our postings! Will you still love us if we tell you all about the Shear Genius finale party? You will? Then gather 'round, kittens.

Nekisa, Paulo, Meredith: you are DEAD to us for not being there. DEAD.

Because we were attending the party with PRGayBoy #3, Emmett McCarthy, we arrived late. He was putting sparkle nail polish on his toes and it took forever to dry. When we got there, we had to sign in and we heard one of the clipboard girls mention Jaclyn's name. Our gay little heads shot up. "She's here? Jaclyn's here?" Then we primped.

Anyway, when we got there, Nicole, Charlie and Dee were all under the bright press lights ... cutting hair. Yes, they had 3 wigstands lined up in their chairs and they were doing a "benefit challenge" where the wigstands got their strands trimmed and sent to Locks of Love. Jaclyn and Roy Teeluck were sitting in the judges' chairs and Rene was yelling out how much time they had left. We felt like we were on the show! We even had the alcohol to make it complete!

Too much of a crowd around the finalists and judges, so we went to mingle. Who was the very first person we ran into?

Why, Lady Bird of course.

It's so funny. All night, we went up to stylists and introduced ourselves. "Hi, I'm Lorenzo and this is Tom." *polite smile* "From Tom and Lorenzo." *eyes bug, mouth drops open* "OHMIGOD!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!" *hugs!* Lady Bird was of course no different.

"Well come on over here so I can give you a hug!" He is ADORABLE - and much cuter in person. We'd love to tell you what we talked about, but he speaks so fast, we could only catch every third word or so: "Y'all...LadyBird...all my friends...love it...y'all...so funny...business is GREAT!...y'all...Lady Bird was actually from Austin, not Dallas... y'all!"

You get the gist. He said his salon is making up Lady Bird t-shirts for his customers. How fucking cute is that?

Gorgeous Glenn did not need to be introduced to us. She came running over, all bubbles, boobs, and giggles, and gave us a big hug. Bitch is BUILT like a brick shithouse. No lie. Skin tight little black dress with the girls front and center, she was WORKIN' IT and we spent the first 5 minutes telling her how gorgeous she is.

She introduced us to her hottie husband, Nick. We stood back just to watch these two winners of the genetic sweepstakes give off light.

Seriously, they're a gorgeous couple and you kinda want to hate them for that, but they're so funny and sweet too. We of course dished about behind the scenes stuff and we of course, are not going to tell you what we said.

Gail came over in a HOT little dress, all dolled up and looking way more glam than her time on the show. How come we couldn't tell these girls had such hot little bods on the show?

The challenge concluded and Dee was announced the winner. "Bet she did another bob," someone we won't name* said to us with rolled eyes. "There's a shock." Mrrrow!

*no, it wasn't Daniel, Glenn or Gail.

As we were making our way through the growing crowd, a familiar voice called out "You're not just going to walk past me, are you?" It was Mr. Nips and Ass himself, the gorgeous Rene Fris, here with our favorite Bravo GalPal, Director of Digital Marketing and Events, the stunning Valerie Brown, who was working the SHIT out of a tight little lowcut dress. These ladies were all putting it out there in a room full of gay men.

Anyway, Rene was his usual friendly and ebullient self. He's very funny and self-effacing in person. You might assume he was some diva pretty boy, but honestly, we've never gotten that from him.

And then, it happened.

Our gay lives are complete. We just wanted to travel back to 1978 and tell our burgeoning little fag selves, "See her? On TV? Isn't she fabulous? You're going to meet her someday! And you'll tell her not to put her arms around you for the picture because you've got back sweat!"

Yes, it's true. Kelly Garrett went to put her arms around Tom and he blurted out "Oh honey, you don't want to do that. I'm sweating like a pig." All class, that Tom. To his eternal gratitude, Jaclyn burst out in a genuine guffaw when he said that and it took away the sting. A little.

She was incredibly sweet and - may lightning strike us - GORGEOUS in person. Whatever she paid for that face, it wasn't enough. You would think in person she'd look like Cher or Joan Rivers or some other plastic surgery tragedy, but she looks luminous. Her skin and hair are absolutely beautiful in person.

Something else we noticed about her: at various times during the night, we saw her in deep conversation with every single stylist who was there. She could have just shown up and posed for pictures, but you could tell she missed each one of those designers and was genuinely interested in what they were doing. Trust us, you would NEVER see Heidi Klum do something like that.

Dee was bouncing around talking to a million people and we barely got a chance to snap this picture with her lookalike Mom. They were both so cute and so thrilled to be there.

M. Breton from Taiwan and the fabulous Amanda Fields. Glenn will be doing the hair for Malan's Bryant Park show. How cool is that?

Nicole, working the Edie Sedgwick look. Absolutely adorable girl. Loaded with personality, she's that girl you always notice first when you walk into a room. Super stylish, with that short white hair and those gigantic eyes (with glitter eyeshadow), she's hard to miss. Totally sweet.

And then of course...

Miss Bitch Charlie. Who is not a bitch at all, in fact. Oh, he's bitchy, don't get us wrong, but who are we to judge on that front? The first thing he said to us was "You're better looking than your cartoons." He's no fool.

We dished like crazy and in fact, we had to be pulled away from him because we were all so engrossed in our bitchery that we didn't realize a bunch of other people were lining up to talk to him.

We walked away and Emmett said "I'm not getting the vibe off him." Meaning, the winner vibe. We agreed and Emmett asked "Well who do you think it is, then?" "Dee," Tom answered. "She's been grinning ear to ear all night."

We're like the gay Hardy Boys, bitches!

When we congratulated Dee after she won she told us that she couldn't wait to get on the phone and tell her family; she hadn't told anyone except her mother. If she was bouncing off the walls before the show, she was practically dancing on the ceiling when she got her big obnoxious check. Lots of whooping and hollering.

It was of course a blast watching the show with the stylists, who called out profanities and flipped the bird at Kim Vo onscreen to the delight of the rest of the audience. Let's just say the liquor was flowing freely and no one was holding back. Fun was had by all.

We'll get to the actual show and rip those facacta hair stories this week, dolls. Promise.

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