Just click play and let the Frenchiness wash over you as we wax philosophical about the latest episode.
There were some who thought the whole trip to Paris schtick was a little too much of a stunt but we couldn't disagree more.
If they had been shipped off to a tropical island somewhere to eat grubs and make gowns out of bamboo leaves, that would have been a stunt (PR execs, if you're reading this: no. Just...no.).
Paris, on the other hand, that's a whole 'nother ballgame. Paris is arguably the fashion capital of the world (inarguably, in our opinions, but we're trying on open-mindedness today to see how it looks on us). Couple that with a Parsons Paris campus and we clapped our gay hands in glee when we found out, much like the designers did, even though there's only one set of gay hands left among them.
Sure, the whole "jetsetter" challenge was poorly defined since it seems that no one told the designers that they'd be judged on how well their garments travelled, but this episode gave us such great character moments like Laura's blasé "Oh. Paris. That's nice." quickly morphing into "FIRST CLASS! YES!" or Kayne's charmingly wide-eyed excitement at finally getting a chance to see a little bit more of the world.
These poor fabulous creatures have been working their fingers to the bone, so it was nice to see them get a little reward and kick back in first class with a little Champagne.
Things we loved: Laura once again hauling out the $10,000 luggage; Jeffrey wisely choosing to sleep whenever he could; Tim calmly walking into first class with a glass of Champagne saying "You didn't think you were leaving without me, did you?" (oh PR execs, it's like you took our daydreams and filmed them for us), and Laura and Uli laying still as corpses to keep their outfits from wrinkling while Angela bounced up and down in her seat, smooshing her fleurchons the whole time.
Also, Catherine Malandrino: chic, Continental, bitchy. What more could we have asked?
Thing we didn't love: are you ready for this? You're gonna be shocked.
We hated Angela's auf'ing.
Unsurprisingly, we have to watch each episode 5 or 6 times in order to get the screencaps and write something every day and we both, at roughly the same time, admitted that we couldn't watch that scene anymore because it was too painful.
Look, we made fun of her a lot and we'll always be grateful that she provided us with so much comedic material, but Angela really does seem very sweet. It just seemed needlessly cruel to fly her out there and then unceremoniously kick her out like that.
Every other auf'ed designer was at least provided a dignified exit by standing in front of the judges with only one other designer while they ripped their garment to shreds and kicked them out. Poor Angela had to have it done in front of ALL the designers and pack up her things while they stood there and watched. It broke our cold little hearts.
Although we did find it a little funny that Catherine refused to kiss her goodbye, leaving it to Tim to do.
To be honest, we don't have much to say about Michael this week, but since he's the only designer we haven't mentioned, and since he did produce a hot outfit, it's only fair we pay him his due.
The seersucker cargo pants look great. Minor quibbles: not too crazy about the sleeves on the shirt and all the extraneous strappy things on his pants. Overall, it's a great design and perfectly executed.
The great thing about Michael is that he quietly goes about his business producing great-looking garments, keeping the drama to a minimum and just being an all-around gracious contestant.
Whether he's "caucussing" with Tim, or teaching Kayne how to walk "like he means it," or rooting for his co-designers or expressing dismay over another designer's auf'ing, he's the best the show's ever had in terms of his behavior and damn near the best the show's ever had in terms of his design abilities. And only he could make the thumbs-up with the double-click look cute.
That title is the one and only man-boob joke we're going to make because we love Kayne and he had a shitty week (again) and former fatboys are always fighting the boobage factor and we totally sympathize.
So there.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Elton Johnny Cash! Oh Kaynebow, our cold, bitchy hearts once again grew ten sizes as we watched you flail about in water over your head. We just wanted to take you in our arms and pat you on the head (without messing the hair, of course) and tell you that it'll all be alright just as soon as you get some taste.
To be fair, it was a well-constructed outfit, although we didn't think the pants were very flattering. But hey, your ass looked great! We are of course still rooting for the last standing gayboy in the competition, but when he revealed his muse, we knew it was going to be painful.
Tara Reid, Kaynebow? Tara "Frankentitty" Reid? Oh, honey. We just don't know what to say to that.
By the way, how adorable was this: Hip-Hop vs. Hoppity-Hop!
It's always hard to watch when a designer thinks he's producing something great, only to have his confidence beaten out of him by the Bitches of Fashion. Jetsetter! Paparazzi! Fabulous! Something stinks and it ain't me. Back off, bitch. I let you have the paper dress, but I'm done explaining myself to you.
(P.S. Tim, what products are you using? Because we would KILL for skin like that.)
Jetsetter! Paparazzi! Fabulous! *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I hate this bitch.
Jetsetter? Paparazzi? Fabulous? Even zo I am wearing zee upholstery fabrique zat makes me look like ze couch, I am still a thousand times more fabuluz zan you, you reediculuz fairy. I hate this French bitch.
What was up HIS ass this week? He won the last challenge and then he flew first class to Paris and yet he was moody as hell.
That last one is a little scary. If we were Nina, we'd start carrying pepper spray in our purse. And when we say "pepper spray," we mean "a gun."
Okay, let's talk about the outfit.
Jesus, cheer up, Moody McLithium!
Anyway, we weren't as annoyed by this outfit as some people were. When Vincent was describing what a "jetsetter" looks for in clothing (it needs to travel well), it all clicked for us. Vincent doesn't approach a challenge from a design point of view; he approaches it from a potential retail point of view. It seems like every challenge he undertook started with the question "How do I get this on the rack at Barney's?" And hey, that's a completely valid (if pedestrian) way of approaching fashion, but as the Duchess reminded him, this is a design competition. There wasn't much designing going on here. He basically made the exact same pants he was wearing, just in black. And the top couldn't have been less interesting. Plus, it didn't fit him well.
And would it have killed him to suck in the gut while he was on the runway?
We said last week that she'd made us believers but we're having a crisis of faith, y'all. Because that? Butt ugly.Yes, she "really knows prints," but she doesn't have to invite them all over to the same dress. That is just way too much, Mädchen.
It didn't help that she marched down the runway like she was looking to kick the cameraman's ass.
There were some mighty scared looking mannequins on the runway this week.
Pickmepickmepickme! I'll shut up I promise! Promisepromisepromisepromisepromise!
It kind of sucks for the models this season, doesn't it? We hardly get to see them at all and how many have been eliminated for a design they never modeled? We want model drama, dammit! Give us the days of Morgan wearing Kevin's bathing suit out for drinks or sobbing in the hallway enveloped in Wendy Pepper's deviously maternal bosom.
Which is why this tableau filled us with such glee.
Amanda: Hahahahahahaha! Oh god I have to pee now. Look! I'm doing a little dance! It's the "I'm in" dance! I'm in! I'm in! Ohmigod you guys, I'm in! Can I just tell you how relieved I am? Nazri: ... Clarissa: ... Jia: ?
Amanda: *gasp!* OhmigodIcan'tbelieveit. I can't BELIEVE IT. Can you guys believe it? I was totally scared that Kayne wasn't going to pick me because he said I talked too much which I totally don't think I do but he's just pissed because I can talk faster than he can and anyway he's so competitive but he's also under a lot of stress and besides I can't talk bad about him because HE PICKED ME and I will love him forever for that even though I think he might be gay but don't tell him I said that. OhmiGOD, I'm in! Nazri: ... Clarissa: ... Jia: ...?
Amanda: Whew! Gotta fan myself! I was sweating out there! But! I'm in! No more sweating for me! Except if Kayne fucks up the next challenge but you guys, I am totally going to work the shit out of that thing whatever it is plus I will not talk too much when he's fitting me and trying to glue the glitter on or whatever because hello! He's trying to work! Nazri: ... Clarissa: ... Jia: ...??
Amanda: Whew! So! What's up with you guys? Nazri: ... Clarissa: ... Jia: Speak...slowly...please?
That's a level of hotness that doesn't even require verbs. Just walk up to her and go "Girl! Fierce!" and then snap once, jerk your head around and sashay away.
We weren't sure about the color until we saw it on her. Gorge! With the red lips and the orange hair? Bitch creates her own accents. And how nice to see her move slightly away from her safe zone. More, please.
Also, Sweetie, wear your hair down once in a while. You've totally got that kitten-with-a-whip thing going on when you do. No wonder Mr. Bennett can't keep his hands off you.
In fact, we could only think of one thing when we saw you last night.
And bitch, that is some high fucking praise coming from these two fags.
