Poompa

In case you were wondering what floats in an Oompa Loompa's toilet bowl...

Now you know.

We admit, we (like most sane people) have a bias against the bubble skirt. Rare is the occasion when the wearer doesn't look like an escapee from the set of H.R. Pufnstuf, as you can well see. The proportions on this thing are laughable. They'd have to manufacture a special Barbie box just to fit the skirt in. And the bubble pattern on the fabric isn't helping. In fact, it's making it even more clown-like. And that vest and tube top? Is he kidding us?

Unfortunately, no he isn't kidding us. In fact he took the whole thing ridiculously seriously, from his protestations over wigs to his smartass attitude toward the judges. Get over yourself, princess. You're making a Barbie dress on a reality show. This is not the time to be getting on your soapbox about standards of beauty.

And after last week's wholly unprofessional spectacle on the runway, this was no time to be mouthing off to the judges and spewing a lot of attitude. This looked absolutely nothing like a Barbie and in fact, he gave the impression that he didn't really care about that to begin with. Andrae, it's definitely time to revisit your runway strategy.

"You were much less tiresome when you were sobbing uncontrollably."


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Barbie! Now with "Aging Call Girl" and "Foundation Garment" clothing sets!

We were both ready to go into this with an "Oh, Marla's dress wasn't that bad" approach. Then we got the screencaps.

Holy shit. It's worse. It's poorly executed AND an ugly design AND the fabric choices are all wrong AND she's badly accessorized. You just can't get any worse than that.

Oh Jesus. Deliver us from the whickety-whack. She looks like she has two giant centipedes crawling out of her cheap wig.

Same thing with Zulema. We thought this was a blandly forgettable outfit until we hit the pause button. There is a lot of crap going on there. The only reason we hadn't noticed it before was because of the washed-out color. What's with that weird strip of sheer fabric across the bust?

What IS that? Control-top for her knees?

The fabric looks cheap and the whole thing is really poorly sewn. She's just lucky she pulled this one out early enough in the game that there was bound to be something worse on the runway. This is a real stinker.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Meet Barbie's Cousins: Cliche and Ruche!

We just cannot come to an agreement on this one, kittens. Lorenzo thinks it's girly and fabulous and beautifully made and perfectly Barbie.

But Tom thinks it looks like a cliche and he thinks it's notable that it, more than any of the other designs, looks a little silly on the model. Too much of a fantasy dress. This seems more appropriate for a fashion doll aimed at the 6 and 7-year old market rather than the tweeners.

It looks marginally better on the doll but we love how such a big deal was made out of the requirement that they make a dress in doll-size and then the results looked so outrageously shitty and glued-together that the judges never even mentioned them.

Lupe!

That's our reaction to every garment she makes. Both a proper name and a description of her style. She should consider making the exclamation point a permanent part of her name, like she's a Broadway musical or something.

To be fair, we don't hate this dress. We actually like some parts of it. It's thankfully way toned down, the silhouette looks chic and flattering and the color is sophisticated. Those are the good parts.

The bad parts: once again, every element is so haphazard, seemingly without purpose or statement. It's still the "throw it against the wall and see what sticks" school of fashion design. The ruching looks like she just kept throwing the garment at a running sewing machine again and again to see what would happen. And if there's anything worse than wearing leg warmers on your arms, it's wearing a leg warmer on one of your arms.

Worst of all, does anyone look at this and think of Barbie? At all?



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Two more: Daniel V. and Diana

Not so much.

On the one hand, we're trying to remember that we are not actually pre-teen girls and therefore, not particularly qualified to predict what that mysterious little subset of humanity is going to consider The Hottest Thing Going.

On the other hand, we don't care if we ARE a couple of middle-aged queens, this is FUG.

Sure, there's a lot of stuff going on and a lot of interesting accessories that'll look great on a Barbie, but the whole effect is so ugly, so "folk dancer" that we imagine most girls would be bored by it, if they noticed it at all.

LOVE. THIS. OUTFIT.

That skirt is adorable and chic.

And that hoodie is a masterpiece. Yeah, it's not particularly Barbie, but it is fun and youthful and different, not to mention eye-catching. That red fabric is gorgeous and it was a stroke of genius on Diana's part to cut out the circles for a lace-like effect. We just wish the hood was a little more realized.

And it still looks cute on the doll! We wouldn't have predicted that, but there you go.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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TOO DAMN MANY BARBIE DRESSES!

Anyone else think the front of Daniel's dress looked an awful lot like the back of Chloe's last week? We're surprised no one called him on this.

In fact, we're surprised no one called him on a lot of things. The judges pitched such a hissy over Marla's color choices and said not a word about Daniel's. That's kind of a mature, sexy red for a Barbie.

Not to mention, that's kind of a mature, sexy design for one too. We're already finding him so annoying that we're just counting the minutes until his auf'ing. There was no reason in the world for him to be sewing her into the dress at the last minute. The only reason he was in that predicament is because he thinks every stitch he completes is a masterpiece for the ages and requires contemplation and reflection.

Get over yourself, Mary. She looks like a lounge singer.

A reminder: there is actually a female body under all that fabric. In case you'd forgotten.

Here's Santino's approach in one sentence: "Look Mom, I can sew!"

And it's true. The boy really can sew the hell out of something.

The problem is, he can't seem to design something that actually looks good on a woman's body. There's so much detail on this thing and it's so oddly placed that it's all a little overwhelming and it completely obliterates her breasts and her hips.

To be fair, it did look great on the doll and we can see why the judges held it in such high regard because it's so over-the-top frilly that a lot of little girls would love it. If he had won it, we'd have been pissed that Nick didn't, but we would have been able to see what the judges were getting at.

Of course we're thrilled he didn't win it. Not because we're mean-hearted bitches (although we are)...

...but because he just couldn't hide his disappointment at not winning and kittens? That is DELICIOUS.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Big Girly Girls

We thought this was cute.

It was a little dated and maybe a little too traditionally Barbie, but Emmett did a great job of making a flirty, girly, sparkly dress without lapsing into cliche.

Part of the reason it doesn't look cliched is because of the fabrics he picked. Good job picking those gorgeous blues instead of lapsing into pink, which would have been the easier, more obvious color for this dress.

Hate the cap. Let's get that out of the way first.

Now, we understand a little bit what the judges were getting at in their criticism - that this looked more like children's clothes than doll clothes - but we still think this would have looked cute on a doll.

She should have looked for better ways to girl it up than simply tying ribbons all over it. This is one challenge where you can't be afraid to break out the sparkly stuff and this outfit could have used it.

See? It does look cute on a doll! Although we still hate the hat.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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To hell with the kids, I'm going SURFING!

This one has a special place in the annals of dresses that were totally inappropriate for their challenge. We don't know WHAT Raymundo was thinking here.

There is absolutely nothing about this dress that says "Barbie."

His whole starting point was just wrong. Little girls want to dress like their mothers? Yeah, maybe in their mothers' most glamorous party dresses, but generally speaking, most little girls don't dream of dressing like their mother does when she's taking the trash out.

And his additional explanation that it was meant to be a surfer chick look made no sense. How do you cross "surfer chick" with "dress up like mommy?" And how are either of those appropriate for Barbie?



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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