Daniel Franco: Once More. With Feeling.

"You see, Heidi, I don't want to just "have sex" with a woman. I want to make love to her. Therefore, I think lingerie should be about making love and not about trashy, dirty, sweaty, marathon sex. Can you see my wispy little chest hairs from there? Should I move in closer? Unbutton another button?"

"No you're fine. You wouldn't believe how well I can see from here."

"Ha. You're sharp, Heidi. I like that. That's sexy, you know. That's real. That's the kind of woman who will want to wear my lingerie. Ha. Not my lingerie, no. I don't own any lingerie. None at all. No, of course I mean the lingerie that I am going to make for you.

I think of you a lot, you know. In the shower."

"Yes. I know."

"I want to make beautiful love-making lingerie with you, Heidi. You see, I believe that a designer can't just tell their client what to wear. You have to feel what they're feeling and then you ask them to feel what you're feeling. That's fashion and it's beautiful, you know? I want to feel you, Heidi. You're my muse. My beautiful, blissful, gigantic Teutonic love goddess. I'm going to design the most sensual, delicious, blissfully respectful line of lingerie ever designed. Nothing vulgar here, no ma'am. You won't see any strap-on dildos built into MY crotchless panties! Nipple clamps? Forget it. Daniel Franco is pure CLASS. Butt plugs? Not here! My lingerie doesn't have any of that stuff. My lingerie is beautiful, respectful and it looks GREAT on me."

"..."

"Shit."

"Tell me you got all that."

"Shit."

[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Showdown on the Runway

Kittens, do you have any idea how hard it was to write this post?

How do you make jokes about clothes that are ALREADY jokes?

It's ironic that Nick and Santino were making fun of Marla's "whickety whack" last week, no?

Since when does lingerie include tight pants?

Oh, what the hell are we saying? Since when does lingerie include ANY of this crap? For that matter, since when does "German" mean "make her up to look like a deer"? Not that they actually looked like deer, mind you. More like backup singers in an Adam Ant video.

And man, if we were Heidi, we'd be a hell of a lot more pissed off than Nina was. "You think THIS is my homeland? I come from Germany, Arschloch. We tend not to dress like crazy assholes there."

Shocked as we are to admit this, we have to say that Santino's was NOT the worst of the three looks in the collection. We hesitate to say that it's good (mainly because it's not), but it seemed a little more cohesive, a little more in line with the concept.

Which only proves what a horrible team leader he was because the other two designers were clearly floundering and he offered almost nothing in the way of guidance except to berate them.

Seriously, it's so hard to critique this. All the bad parts are so self-evident that we feel dumb pointing out the obvious and all the good parts are ... non-existent.

Have you ever seen three more embarrassed models? They can't even look at the judges.

Speaking of judges...

"*snort* Nina, would you like to start things off?"

"Yeah, alright. Let me just swallow my pre-vomit.

There.

Okay, I'm a little confused."

"Oh really?"

Nina: "Yeah, I thought the show was only open to fashion designers. You know, people who design clothes? How did you get in? They look like melted ice cream cakes. No, let me amend that. They look like melted ice cream cakes that someone backed a truck over."

"I'm sorry if you don't get lingerie, Nina! I'm an artist! Who are you? You're just some skinny bitch with too much hair! NO ONE does what I do!"

Nick: Oh please shut up. Shutupshutupshutup. This is SO not fierce for me right now."

Nina: "I don't get lingerie?! When was the last time YOU wore it, asswipe? On second thought, don't answer that, I'll start puking in my mouth again. And there's a reason no one does what you do -- IT'S FUCKING UGLY!"

Heidi: "Take it down a notch, girl. You're scaring the producers."


Anyway, yeah we hated it; yeah it was horrible; yeah, Nina is the shit. What else can be said? He acted like an asshole and sent some amazing pieces of shit down that runway.
Probably one of the most talked-about episodes in the show's history.

Screw all that. Let's embarrass Emmett!

Insert caption here.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Dirty Diana

Like so much of what Diana does, this definitely had something going on even if the end product is a little bit of a head-scratcher.

There was something about the concept that we responded to. It was definitely different and it had the potential to be interesting and sexy, but unfortunately, it fell short.

The combination of tight, skimpy, somewhat fetishistic underwear coupled with light, flowy fabrics was a good starting point, conceptually. In fact, it was probably the best starting point out of any of the teams.

We love those sleeves, but those thongs are poorly designed and don't do the one thing a thong is supposed to do: make your ass look better.

This piece was the true clunker. But then again, so is the model.

Oh, just stop. You suck.

It's hard to judge this outfit because we don't really know what they had to do to please the model, but it doesn't appear to fit with the rest of the collection at all.

Okay, then! Good luck on that Burger King job, bitch.

Surprisingly, she's much prettier off the runway. Her sourness whenever she has to actually, you know, model clothes, makes her look less attractive than she is.

SHE'S. A. MODEL. Who gives a shit what she likes and doesn't like? Either she wears the clothes provided for her or she goes home, end of story.

God bless her, our little Asian mouse isn't as mousy as she appears:

"I feel like you can't just be that picky if you're a model because your job is to achieve different looks and if you don't want to do that, you should probably get a different job."

Amen, sister! Too bad you didn't say that to her face, though.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Follow Your Bliss, Daniel!

Boy, was THIS a bullshit auf'ing.

Sure, the end product was dowdy and uncreative, but first and foremost, it looked like lingerie, which couldn't be said about ANY of the other entries.

Secondly, also unlike all the other entries, it was well made.

And sure, making such a point forces the question about just which attributes are considered best in this competition. In other words, do you reward someone for good sewing or do you reward someone for innovative design?

Clearly and consistently, the judges come down on the side of innovation and creativity, and for the most part, we've always agreed with that.

But considering the sheer ugliness and poor execution of the other entries and considering the fact that the winner of the challenge had a collection no more creative than this one (and a lot less well-executed), we STILL think this was a bullshit auf'ing.

Couple that with the fact that when it came to picking the loser, the judges had the choice of the lousy team leader with the ugly and poorly executed collection or the good-in-the-final-analysis team leader with the bland, but well-executed collection, Daniel comes out on top in almost any analysis we can apply.

We never put much weight on the commonly cited idea that the judges make decisions to tell certain stories or because the producers told them to. That's not why contestants like Santino get to stay in instances when they clearly should have gone. It's just that people in the fashion industry are always going to get their panties moist when someone puts on the "rebel" costume and mouths off to them. Oh sure, they may not love him in the end (especially if he doesn't have the goods), but in the heat of the moment, their jaded eyes will always fall lovingly on the "outrageous" loudmouth with a "point of view."

Daniel got on our nerves more often than not, but he does have real talent and he did step up in the end and made the most graceful exit the show's ever seen. For that alone he deserves kudos.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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S2/E4: Congratulations Daniel V.!

Quickie recap: The designers are broken into teams of three in order for each team to produce a lingerie collection.You can read Tim's take on this episode here and listen to his podcast here.

This was one bizarre episode. All this drama seemed to come flying out of nowhere and suddenly everyone DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO FINISH OHMIGOD!!!!!

And then this stuff comes walking down the runway.

Seriously? It took 3 people a day and a half to make this?

As far as this collection goes, two words: Playboy and bunny. It was just basic. That's all one can say about it. And holy cow, is this piece poorly fitted. Zulema's, we're assuming.

Poor Rachel. That poor girl's ass has seen more attention than your average gay porn star's. Little known fact: Bravo briefly considering giving her ass its own spinoff series but preview audiences didn't go for it.

To be fair, they don't all look like Playboy bunnies. Some of them look like step aerobic instructors in 1994.

Except the cuffs TOTALLY add a saucy little twist, right? Bleh. In the immortal words of the Duchess, we're underwhelmed.

Basically, they won it by default. The other collections were either so bad or so chock full of interteam drama that the judges had to give it to them. Even so, we do have to thank them for one thing.

If you look closely you can just see the steam starting to come out of his ears.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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