The Gayest Show in the History of Television

Far be it for us to make massive generalizations like this (HAHA! I know, right?) but if you're a gay male over the age of 30, no matter how butch you might have been, there were at least a few moments in your childhood when you wanted to grow up to be her. Admit it.

Unlike her counterpart Jeannie, Samantha just embodied the qualities that little babyfags love to fantasize about. Sure, her husbands weren't much to look at, but she had a fantastic wardrobe, gorgeous hair, her mother was a drag queen, her father was practically an Empress, she was surrounded by Dicks (and switched Dicks whenever she got tired of one), she was cute, everyone loved her, she had a huge secret and she could do anything she wanted any time she wanted. God, what little fledgling mo couldn't relate to that?

And did we mention her mother? Because we could probably write a dissertation on her makeup alone, nevermind her sheer fabulous bitchery. Sam's nose-twitching was cute, but Endora's over-the-top gesticulating with accompanying harp music was to die for. And was there ever a bigger or more fabulous bitch in the history of television? Endora makes Alexis Carrington look like Maria Von Trapp. And when Endora and Samantha would put on their flowy witchy robes and float above everyone, invisibly judging them? Darlings, we're atwitter just thinking about it.

Jeannie was a straight guy thing. Servile, sexy and stupid. Sam, on the other hand, was smarter and more powerful than everyone around her, but forced by society to hide it. All those little boys in the '60s and '70s who wanted to play with their sisters' dolls rather than pick up a football could relate on levels they couldn't even understand. Granted, Jeannie's man was a lot hotter, but she lived in a bottle, for God's sake and that was just a bit too much like a closet for comfort, as far as the gayboys were concerned.

The Samantha/Jeannie divide was one of a number of similar instances that illustrated the gayboy/straightboy difference. Ginger and MaryAnn is another one. Every straight guy wanted to do MaryAnn but all the little gayboys just sighed at the sight of Ginger and her fabulous (and seemingly endless) wardrobe. The jury's still out on Lilly Munster and Morticia Addams because frankly, they're both pretty gay (although Lilly definitely owns the makeup portion of the competition).

No, Samantha Stephens is the queen of sitcom gay icons. She could do anything she wanted and even though she tried to play along to society's expectations, she wound up reverting to her true self week after week - and clearly loving it. You didn't want to get Samantha mad and if you were a woman, you REALLY didn't want to get Samantha mad because she might have thrown around a spell or two in the direction of a man who annoyed her, but she got downright vicious when a woman did.

Yeah, Darrin always got pissed off but he was obviously a tool and all she had to do was shake that hot little witch ass in those capri pants and he was back to being a drooling idiot. PLUS, whenever she got tired of being the good girl, she just put on a black wig and slapped on a ton of makeup, partied her ass off and told everyone she was her own cousin. And that? Is fucking fabulous. We salute you, Samantha Stephens.