Driving Miss Daisy Crazy

Miss Daisy! Doll, we know you had a shitty time this week but HONEY? We LOVED it! Delicious tension as chatty bubbly hair stylist tries to be diplomatic with her bitch of a wig stand!


"Okay, like, I know you really, really want to look like Christina Aguilera - and that's totally great? I'm totally behind you on that? But you should really, really think about whether or not you want to commit? To that look? I mean, I'm not saying that you totally look like Patty Hearst or anything, but Christina Aguilera? I mean come ON. TWO HOURS here, y'know? Not that I don't want to do it because I totally said I would; I'm just saying, y'know? Maybe next week you'll have an audition or something and you walk in the door all Christina Aguilera-looking and they're all like 'Oh shit, we can't afford Christina Aguilera to like, play the secretary?' and you'll like try to tell them you're not Christina Aguilera but you would look EXACTLY LIKE HER and they wouldn't believe you?"


"Whatever. I said that's what I want and that's what I'm not paying you for, so bring it. Are you saying you can't do it?"


"No, of course not. Are you kidding me? Me, personally, I would probably want to go with something a little more appropria-- a little more possib-- a little more subdued. Hey! How about you let me make you look like Patty Hearst - I can put you in a little beret and everything - and then AFTER, we can go out and I'll buy you some really pretty clothes that Christina Aguilera would probably wear if she wore your size. Wouldn't that be great? Why don't we do that, hunh?"


THANK GOD she had people to understand her and hug her after this difficult, hellish, potentially life-changing experience. Her fellow stylists understood. Stylists always understand.


"That whore's like, crazy, I'm telling you. Bitch thinks I'm a plastic fucking surgeon or something. And I'm totally trying to explain to her that she's kind of horsey looking and she wouldn't fucking listen so I'm like squirting all kinds of shit on her head and finally I just got desperate and started making her up like she was a bridesmaid and I just want to die. OhmiGOD."


"You have every reason to cry."


"Snff. Honey, I love you, but you say that about everything."


"Fuck the beret. Gimme the gun. I'm gonna fucking kill that bitch."


SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE: Our Christmas List:

This, airbrushed on a t-shirt, in a heart shape, with glittery script that spells out "DRAMA QUEENS," sizes M & L.


It's not that we have anything new to say about her, but God we love her. We have all our fingers crossed waiting for the Mother of All Meltdowns. If it doesn't happen, we will be bereft and inconsolable.


Pinch dose widdle cheeks! On the other hand, her can-do, little-engine-that-could act, while annoying, is genuine. We hope our little under-voweled Italian can handle the strain by entertainingly melting down and not in some awkward, mascara-streaked, kitchen-knife-grasping showdown.

Hmmm. On second thought...

OTHER SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE: Previews, Angels!

Even though "Sally's Shag" sounds like something they showed at your father's bachelor party, it is in fact, the name of the preview you can find here.



And in the preview you can find here, it's all "What if Your Stylist Was a Serial Killer?"

Quite Possibly The Most Entertaining Show In the History of Television.

For all those who keep saying "I wish you guys would blog Shear Genius!" We ARE blogging Shear Genius! Patience, bitches!

Did you not love last night's drama? We're going to look for ways to work the phrase "Level Eight Blonde" into all our conversations this week and we encourage you to do the same.


First, a HUGE congratulations to Tabatha for what has surely amounted to the most significant event in her life, winning the shortcut challenge. Fat, salty tears streamed down our cheeks as we realized that yes, she had achieved a Level Eight Blonde - and then some!

We've amended our take on Tabatha. Yes, she's a scary hair witch, but she's got spunk and we like that. We wanted to kiss her when she offered to beat Evangelin with a mannequin head. Truth be told, we think she's not so much a witch as someone who would enjoy spending her time flinging busses and manhole covers at Christopher Reeve.


Anthony's a sweetheart (and cute), so he needs to step it up in order to keep us entertained. This low-key competence thing just isn't going to work for us.


Yes, she looks adorable and the cut is hot, so you totally deserved the win but we're more interested in YOU, Anthony. Don't you want to cry on camera? Just a little? Vow to destroy another competitor? Sleep with one of the wig stands? You ARE straight, right? It's so hard to tell with Black British guys.


Speaking of the wig stands, they were marginally better than last week's. Of course, they're all wannabe actresses who don't have a knack for waiting tables, but what they DO have ... is HAIR and lots of it. HAIR and a DREAM. Empires have been built on less. At least this week the girls could walk the runway without looking constipated, although who can blame them in those ugly Cynthia Rowley outfits?

And speaking of wig stands who can act...

...she deserves an Academy Award just for managing not to cry. Seriously, WE'RE having a hard time not bursting into tears at the sight of her. Did Jim use tomato paste on her hair?


Oh Jim.

The only thing more entertaining than watching someone flail about in a reality show competition, is watching someone flail about in a reality show competition while pretending they are totally on top of their game.


The sight of Jim haughtily proclaiming that he KNOWS color while his poor wig stand's head slowly turned every color of the rainbow like one of those optical strand lamps they sell to college students? Entertainment nirvana. Actually, we were sorry to see Jim go. There was a Class-A meltdown in his near future.

Of course, there are still plenty of candidates waiting in the wings...


Oh Evangelin, you weeping Italian Cabbage Patch Kid, how we love you. Do you weep for your missing "e'? Is that it? Or do you truly love hair so much that you spend all day crying over it? Who cares? You are entertainment gold, girl! Just keep up your exhausting schedule of crying twice in every episode and we'll love you forever.


Although that haircut looks a little more Flintstones than it does Halle Berry. A bone wouldn't be out of place there. Just sayin'.

Anyway, initial thoughts. We'll have plenty more once we've watched the episode a couple dozen times.