A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants

"I CAN'T SING, I KNOOOWWWW!
AND IT'S TRUE I CAN'T SEEEWWW!
SO CIAO, EVERYOONNNNNNE!!!!
THEPRGAYBOYSAREWATCHINGEPISODE5TONIGHTANDIT
SHOULDBEFUUUUNNNN!!!!"


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MORGANZA!!!!!!!

We told you she was crazy, didn't we? They should've just stapled a wig to her head.

What she needs? She needs to up her dosage, that's what she needs.

We like the "Go down and get her." Like she's an unruly dog or something.

This will now officially be known as the Drama Sofa. It turns designers into weeping Mexican soap opera heroines and it makes models go all fetal.

Doesn't he look like a housewife in a commercial discussing just why Downy Dryer Sheets are better for her family?

We can't imagine why the show didn't lead to more work for her. She's got "supermodel" written all over her, right?

"It's gonna be gorgeous! Don't worry about it! You're fabulous!"

"Jesus. And they call me a drama queen."

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She's a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Y'know, we can't even imagine the pressure these designers are under and we do try and take that into account when we sit back and judge them, but there really was no excuse whatsoever for Nora's accusation and outburst.

"I came here to compete." Well you know what, girl? Shut up and get on with it.

"Jesus save me from these amateurs."

Their minds or their pattern pieces?

"I can't believe people would accuse me of accusing them just because I accused them!"

Honestly, we really like Nora. We think she's a sweetheart and we think she's talented, but this was extraordinarily unprofessional and just plain stupid. Remake your damn pattern piece, girl!

Bravo always has to throw a little something in there to get the straight guys to watch. They should put a stripper pole in the workroom just to see what happens.

"You know what? I'm outta here! Really, really fast!"

Granted, Kevin did a lousy job of handling this, which is to say he didn't handle it at all except to make snide comments under his breath.

See, this is the problem with guest judges. The designers were told they'd be judged on their teamwork and leadership skills and Kevin's team was the worst by far in this category. Sarah Hudson obviously didn't give a shit about this sort of thing and why should she? She's there to pick out an outfit.

And speaking of Kevin...

...anyone else notice his sudden loss of seven years?



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That Bitch is Crazy.

Man, we knew she was nuts but even we were surprised at this one.

Oh, sorry. Are we being unclear? Here, let us help you out:

We repeat:

THAT BITCH IS CRAZY.


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Crack-Smoking Judges Strike Again

Two years later and we're still not over the fact that this look was totally ignored. It was the only look on the runway this week that wasn't 100% derivative. Original, striking and perfectly executed. Plus, Jay's team was the only one that was completely devoid of any drama.

That leather bodice is absolutely stunning. It has that hardcore look that it should have, but the feather "sleeves" give it a soft femininity.

And we loved the "skirt" even if it was a little gimmicky. Sure, you could say that it was just as Cyndi Lauper as Kevin's outfit, but paired with that top and those tight pants it had a totally different vibe to it. We love the panels in the pants and the subtle use of the black pinstripe among all that deconstructed frillery in the skirt.

We don't know what that thing is on her ass but it's one of the few things on this outfit we don't like. Like we said, the skirt's a little gimmicky, but then again stage wear should be a little gimmicky. We can just see Sarah Hudson ripping that off on stage and using it as a prop.

Okay, we can't actually see Sarah Hudson doing it because we never heard of her before or since, but someone could do it.



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Ciao, Vanessa!

"Oh fuck, did I just say that out loud?"

We didn't think she was the one who needed to go, but unfortunately, she didn't seem to be taking the competition as seriously as she could have and that became fairly obvious to the judges when she ran her mouth off on the runway. As team members go, she was among the worst, not for her lack of sewing skills but for her constant second-guessing of the team leader and her overt and too-often-stated dislike for the design.

Oddly enough, it was Wendy of all people who made the best team member, with her "Show me what to do and I'll do it." attitude.

As for the dress itself...

Oh, he just likes to pretend he has boobies.

Honestly? It wasn't the most original idea in the world but it was far more interesting than what Kevin's team produced and it was for the most part well-executed.

The "little girl lost" styling was perhaps a skosh too literal and if they had gone with styling that worked against the dress instead of working with it, it would have created a tension that could have made the whole look more interesting. As lame as Melissa's fauxhawk was, it probably would have worked better with this dress.

Still, it's definitely a look and an appropriately over-the-top one at that.

And as for Austin's leadership skills...

If they judged based on the ability to evoke the heroine of a 19th century novel, he'd have won this one cold. Just out of frame, turbaned Nubian manservants are fanning him with ostrich feathers to alleviate his grief.

Or maybe that's just in his head.

"...in fields of silk and taffetta. The sun will always shine over you and you will spend eternity making pretty dresses together. Now dry your eyes, little fashionista. It's what she would have wanted."



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Congratulations Kevin!

Quickie recap: The challenge was a "rock and roll makeover" for an artist no one ever heard of before. Each designer submitted sketches to singer Sarah Hudson and she chose the three best; Austin, Jay, and Kevin. Each designer picked two from the remaining designers for three teams of three. Kevin's team, which included Nora and Alexandra, won. You can read Tim's Take on this episode here.

Oh, Melissa. What have they done to you?

Not only would this not have been our choice for the win, we considered it the worst out of the three.

We'll grant you that a design challenge like this means you can pretty much throw everything out the window and do whatever you want, but this is not only ugly, it's ridiculously dated.

This is straight out of the 1984 playbook. Pure "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." Is there anything more cliched than a fauxhawk and fishnets? This doesn't look "rocker" to us; it looks "poser."

In fact, it looks like a Halloween costume. Like what a 16-year-old would put together for an '80s theme party. She looks like she shredded an old prom dress and then raided her father's tie rack for accessories, which, if you're Molly Ringwald in a John Hughes film, would be considered spunky and cute, but in 2004 it just looked tired and done.



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Episode 4 - Preview

It's the one with that annoying song that's going to be stuck in your head for a week! Click, darlings and watch the claws come out.



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