It gets worse in the second half, if you can believe it, kittens.
People keep asking if the decoys had the same amount of time and the same budget that the final 3 had. We can look at this and confidently say "No." Clearly Suede had about 20 minutes and 12 dollars to put this collection together.
Oh fine. You want critique? Here: all of those fabrics are fighting each other, the proportions are horrible and nothing is fitted correctly.
It's executed fairly well in comparison to the rest of the looks. We suppose some would say this is a pretty dress. We think it's a bit too adorable. It seems obvious to say this, but it looks like Barbie clothes. And the bust is terribly fitted.
HOLY.
SHIT.
PART.
TWO.
There are drag queens that would look at that and say "No way." There are 5-year-old girls in princess costumes who would look at that and say "That's a bit much, don't you think?" There are blind people who would look at that and say "My eyes!"
In other words, it's really, really bad.
Oh god, we're tired at this point. What else can we say? You've ruined us, Suede. You've ruined us.
We can point out how distressingly similar these looks are, though. The same "fitted" (haha!) bodice over a full asymmetrical skirt.
Jesus, those are some cheapass-looking fabrics. They look like wrapping paper. Discount wrapping paper.
It's a nice day for a whore wedding.
We never thought Suede was really a contender all season long but even we are completely flummoxed by this collection. It is shockingly bad. There's just no getting around that. We feel kind of sorry for him because he never should have been there and he wound up flaming out pretty spectacularly in front of a lot of spectators. Honestly, there's a part of us that wishes he would have just cheated and farmed the work out to more talented people. No one was going to check on it and at least he wouldn't have embarrassed himself.
[Photos: Getty Images]
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