We Now Pronounce This Lame

Are we the only ones who want to shoot the TV every time an ad for this execrable piece of shit pops up?

But perhaps we're being hasty in our judgment.

Look, we'll be the first to tell you that there's nothing sacrosanct about gay people and we're just as ripe for being the butt of jokes as any other group out there. We can laugh at ourselves and even if the joke isn't funny (or borderline offensive), there's nothing inherently wrong with making a joke about gay people. The problem we have with this movie is that it takes an issue that is solely the purview of gays (marriage rights and domestic partnership benefits) and removes gays from the story altogether, substituting the gay people with two morons who - horror of horrors! - have to act gay in order to further the plot.

Everything about it is so painfully stupid, starting with the stereotypical straight-guy names - oh, who could ever believe a Chuck or a Larry could possibly be gay?! And they're firemen?! Comedy gold! Even the poster is stupid. See, it's funny because Adam Sandler has to be the "woman" because he's wearing white and Kevin James is holding him, which is - exactly what gay people are like! We can't wait to watch the endless scenes of them having to touch each other's asses to prove to everyone that they're a couple - just like gay couples do! But uh-oh! There's a pretty girl with a smoking bod in this movie! How will our boys keep up their hysterical charade if they keep getting erections in front of her? We're so thrilled that Hollywood is taking on the tough social issues of the day with humor! We only hope there's an ABBA song on the soundtrack!

Don't get us wrong, we have no doubt that there will be an Important Lesson Learned by the end of the movie. We're sure Adam will stand up and make some Heartfelt Speech about how We Shouldn't Make Fun Of Gay People or maybe it'll be Gay People Are Just Like You And Me. Whatever, frat boy. We'd be impressed by such a revelation if it wasn't preceded by two hours of trading in the absolute worst gay stereotypes you can think of without actually having any gay characters of any substance in it.

Hollywood, we would love to see a funny movie about a gay couple trying to make their way in the world. Believe us, there's PLENTY of material to work with. This crap, on the other hand, is the cinematic equivalent of Pat Boone re-recording "negro music" to make it more palatable to the masses. Call us when you have the balls to show the real thing.