Blaynelicious debuted his fall '09 collection and guess what? We're not going to trash it!
Except for maybe the Chippendales-inspired opening.
Despite the cheesiness of the "Indian" theme, we have to admit he appears to be maturing as a designer. We see very little "crazy for the sake of being crazy" crap and we see more wearable clothes with a twist and a point of view. He has some great sweaters and jackets and he kills when he's designing a pair of pants. His major weak spot is dresses. If he were crazy enough to ever ask our advice, we'd tell him to stick to menswear because we think he's got a real shot at it.
Alright, ladies. This is it. Our Top 5 Worst Looks of All Time. The cream of the crap, if you will. We debated about doing an honorable mention list but honestly, aren't 20 entries enough for you bitches? There's gonna be a lot of "I can't believe you didn't include x!" Honeys, you try and come up with a list like this. Our eyeballs are going to be hurting for weeks.
The dress that inspired one of the Duchess's all time great bitchslaps, "barefoot Appalachian Barbie." And damn that little orange bitch, but we really can't come up with anything better than that. Sometimes you just have to bow to the master. Raymundo told the judges he designed this Barbie dress for little girls inspired by their mothers. After his auf'ing, his own mother slapped him silly.
Starr truly was amazing. She took an ironing board cover, some wrapping paper and some bubblegum and...made her model look like she was wearing an ironing board cover, some wrapping paper and some bubblegum. How very post-modern and meta-textual of her.
Granted, this was the first episode ever and we don't blame the designers for not really understanding what was expected of them, but it's truly mind-boggling that anyone would send THIS to be judged in front of a panel of fashion experts.
Give it UP, bitches, for one of the all-time great memorable moments from the show! Strangely, even though Santino claimed this lingerie collection was inspired by Heidi, it was Nina who practically leapt out of her chair to claw at his face in fury on behalf of women everywhere. Their heated exchange (while team mates Nick and Emmett bowed their heads and averted their eyes in the hopes that the judges wouldn't notice them) gave viewers the Nina-ism to end all Nina-isms: "It's aesthetically NOT PLEASING!"
We were rendered pretty much speechless when it came time to recap this look and frankly, we still are. This goes without saying, since it's the number 2 look on the list, but this was one of the ugliest things we'd ever seen on the show. Scratch that. It WAS the ugliest thing we'd ever seen on the show. The only reason it didn't take the top spot is...well, why don't we look at the top spot to explain, yes?
Here's what: Blayne's clown tumor costume was the ugliest thing we'd ever seen, but there was at least some work put into it. Quite a bit, probably. This thing, on the other hand, was nothing but supermarket crap that Wendy Pepper glued onto her poor model. Like we said, this was the first episode ever and we don't blame people if they were flailing about trying to figure out what was required of them but they knew they were in a fashion competition. She should have at least figured out that meant she was supposed to make an actual outfit. Instead, she decorated her model like the table at a kid's birthday party and hoped for the best. Lucky for her that the judges could smell her crazy coming from a mile away and kept her in for the entertainment value.
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That's it! We're done! We can't look at another ugly dress again. We've ruined ourselves for you. Are you happy now?
[Photos: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]
The irony of this story (the twist, if you will), is that after Season 1 diva and Original Princess Austin Scarlett sent this horrific, fabric-shitting thing down the runway and called it a wedding gown, he recovered from his momentary lack of taste and went on to be hired by Amsale as Head Designer for Kenneth Pool Bridal.
JUBILEE MOTHERFUCKING JUMBLES is in the HOUSE, y'all! Oh, how we MISSED Jubilee Jumbles! We wonder if Jubilee Jumbles still works with children dressed like a slutty clown?
Sometimes, you just gotta go with what works. We refer to our original declaration regarding this look: "There's a giant cotton centipede crawling out of her lady area." Once you point out the elephant in the room, there's really no need for any further dissection or criticism.
Forgive us, but we're once again going to have to refer to our original impression: "If clothing could cry, this is what it would look like." Somehow, scrappy boy designer Marion Lee sent this post-apocalyptic, sad Pocahontas-looking piece of poo down the runway in his entry for Sarah Jessica Parker's line of disposable clothing, Bitten. Unsurprisingly, everyone burst into tears at the sight of it.
All of you would probably agree that Jerry Tam was a brief figment of your imagination, but we checked and he really exists! It's true! Not only that, he really did send this provocative serial killer/nurse/nun melange down the runway in his one and only appearance on Project Runway! Thanks to his memorable use of shower curtains and dishwashing gloves, Gristedes is where ALL the stylish New York girls who engage in ritualistic murder like to shop!
[Photos: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]
Blayne debuted his first post-show collection - Richard Blayne collection - last Monday in Seattle at an event called Five Golden Rings fashion Show at Hotel 1000.
Aaaand it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect. We can't see much to recommend in the women's wear but surprisingly, he's got some potential in menswear with a little (okay, maybe a lot of) tweaking.
Irony abounds, darlings. The one we wanted sent home from week one kinda grew on us and the one who deserved more wins under her belt couldn't get off our TV screen fast enough last night.
Were they not the cutest team? It seems no matter who Stella is paired with, we want them to get a reality show together.
Dear GOD, kittens.
What are we supposed to say here?
The Duchess nailed it: it's a joke.
When clowns get tumors, is this what they look like?
Variation on a theme: clown farts.
We don't get it at all. Why pair all those candy colors with a flesh-colored aerobics outfit? What was the point to all the leathuh straps, aside from giving Stella something to do?
"Think out of the box, Heidi."
Even though Blayne started out pretty damn annoying, we were kind of fond of him by the end. He's just this clueless kid who seemed to be having quite a bit of fun throughout the competition.
Sure, he played to the cameras too much and he never produced anything that proved to us that he should be there, but we can't hate people who try and bring a little lightheartedness to all the pretension and bitchery. Au Revoir, Blayne de Soleil.
Worst team ever? Quite possibly.
Keith was still in full-on feel-sorry-for-me mode and while we don't blame Terri for having little patience for him, the fact is, she was OUTRAGEOUSLY nasty the whole time. There's fun bitchery and then there's just ridiculosity.
And speaking of ridiculous...
Although, to be fair, we really didn't see this as deserving of the auf. We don't exactly like it, but there were others on that runway that screamed "SEND ME HOME!"
Really, the only thing we hate are those ridiculous sleeves.
They look chip in a chip way, no?
It's kind of ironic, because during the drag challenge, Terri made a decidedly UNdrag garment and now for the avant garde challenge she makes something that would fit right in at the Night of a Thousand Gowns.
Oh, right. We hate the big tails, too.
The rest of it's just okay. Not avant garde, but then again, what was last night?
We kinda wish she'd stuck to the fur idea. It might have bumped this look up a bit. As it is, it just looks kind of tacky and tawdry.
And how DELICIOUS that Xaviera couldn't keep herself from busting out at the Duchess' comments. That is a PR first.
"Voodoo princess in hell." That's about right.
We're not giving Keith a free pass here. He was whiny and annoying but from what we could tell, he started off ready to help Terri. Her over-the-top bitchiness toward him was just ugly to watch and we kind of think since she clearly couldn't keep it off the runway, it played a part in the judges' decision to send her home. Sucks for her, because she did some damn good work during the competition and didn't get enough recognition for it. On the other hand, she was just so damn nasty last night that we couldn't work up a lot of sympathy for her.
Blaynelicious debuted his fall '09 collection and guess what? We're not going to trash it!
Except for maybe the Chippendales-inspired opening.
