Alright, ladies. This is it. Our Top 5 Worst Looks of All Time. The cream of the crap, if you will. We debated about doing an honorable mention list but honestly, aren't 20 entries enough for you bitches? There's gonna be a lot of "I can't believe you didn't include x!" Honeys, you try and come up with a list like this. Our eyeballs are going to be hurting for weeks.
Number 5
Season 2 - Episode 3: "All Dolled Up"
Designer: Raymundo Baltazar
The dress that inspired one of the Duchess's all time great bitchslaps, "barefoot Appalachian Barbie." And damn that little orange bitch, but we really can't come up with anything better than that. Sometimes you just have to bow to the master. Raymundo told the judges he designed this Barbie dress for little girls inspired by their mothers. After his auf'ing, his own mother slapped him silly.
Number 4
Season 1 - Episode 1: "Innovation"
Designer: Starr Ilzhoefer
It's Princess Mental Patient of Sanitaria!
Starr truly was amazing. She took an ironing board cover, some wrapping paper and some bubblegum and...made her model look like she was wearing an ironing board cover, some wrapping paper and some bubblegum. How very post-modern and meta-textual of her.
Granted, this was the first episode ever and we don't blame the designers for not really understanding what was expected of them, but it's truly mind-boggling that anyone would send THIS to be judged in front of a panel of fashion experts.
Number 3
Season 2 - Episode 4: "Team Lingerie"
Designer: Santino Rice
Give it UP, bitches, for one of the all-time great memorable moments from the show! Strangely, even though Santino claimed this lingerie collection was inspired by Heidi, it was Nina who practically leapt out of her chair to claw at his face in fury on behalf of women everywhere. Their heated exchange (while team mates Nick and Emmett bowed their heads and averted their eyes in the hopes that the judges wouldn't notice them) gave viewers the Nina-ism to end all Nina-isms: "It's aesthetically NOT PLEASING!"
Number 2
Season 5 - Episode 9: "What's Your Sign?"
Designer: Blayne Walsh
We were rendered pretty much speechless when it came time to recap this look and frankly, we still are. This goes without saying, since it's the number 2 look on the list, but this was one of the ugliest things we'd ever seen on the show. Scratch that. It WAS the ugliest thing we'd ever seen on the show. The only reason it didn't take the top spot is...well, why don't we look at the top spot to explain, yes?
Drumroll please...
Number 1
Season 1 - Episode 1: "Innovation"
Designer: Wendy Pepper
Here's what: Blayne's clown tumor costume was the ugliest thing we'd ever seen, but there was at least some work put into it. Quite a bit, probably. This thing, on the other hand, was nothing but supermarket crap that Wendy Pepper glued onto her poor model. Like we said, this was the first episode ever and we don't blame people if they were flailing about trying to figure out what was required of them but they knew they were in a fashion competition. She should have at least figured out that meant she was supposed to make an actual outfit. Instead, she decorated her model like the table at a kid's birthday party and hoped for the best. Lucky for her that the judges could smell her crazy coming from a mile away and kept her in for the entertainment value.
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That's it! We're done! We can't look at another ugly dress again. We've ruined ourselves for you. Are you happy now?
[Photos: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]
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