Project Halloween

Laura's got her latest Daily Beast column up and it's all about her favorite holiday and what a horrible mother she is. Tidbits:

"I had to cancel all of my appointments today because I put in pair of freaky contact lenses last night for a Halloween party, and I can’t get them out. These lenses white out my eyes entirely except for a small black spot in the center, which I see through. They are a very clever design; imagine a white donut painted on a contact lens, and the effect is ultra creepy.

[...]

Wearing latex is quite ritualistic. These garments are quite difficult to get into, and there is an entire process needed to make it happen. First you need to cover your body with baby powder, and powder the inside of the garment as well. Then you step into it and sort of roll it up, hoping you get it in the proper place, because it is very difficult to reposition. Once you have the garment on, it is covered in the baby powder both inside and out, so it essentially has to be polished. My boys do this job, and are always happy to help. Each boy, armed with a handful of silicone, rubs me down until I shine like a brand new sex toy in a Times Square window (before Disney took over Times Square). I can only wonder what lasting affects this activity will have on their sexuality, but I figure they will end up in therapy for one reason or another anyway. We take Halloween very seriously in this family, so to my boys; their mother dressing like Frankenstein’s Dominatrix is par for the course."

Did you think she didn't send us pics? Darlings, of course she did!




These people just aren't right.

Tonight is Laura and Peter's Halloween party. We can remember viewing her bio video for season 3 and saying "We WILL be invited to the next one." This was before we even met her. And yes, we were invited to this one and planned on going as Nina and Michael, but goddammotherfuckershitpissdamnhell, we are swamped with work and other obligations this week and we had to call her yesterday to cancel.

We'll just have to settle for this glimpse into her decorations and costume from Bravo:



We have to say, that video does a pretty good job of capturing the chaos of their home. It's pretty much exactly like that every visit we ever had with her.


[Photos: Courtesy of Laura Bennett - Video: Bravotv.com]

Stylista: The Claws Are OUT

Man, there is nothing like a bunch of camera-hungry students willing to fuck themselves over for their 15 minutes of fame, is there? We're going to need to retire the term "trainwreck" because we've used it so much to describe this show. For now, we'll go with "clusterfuck," but we're really going to need to come up with something unique.


Boobs.


Crying boobs.

Who sits on the bathroom floor and has a good cry except for maybe Edie Sedgwick on a bender?


We kind of love Cologne but man, that Cactus Flower eye makeup has got to go.


Dyshaun's kind of a snivelling little bitch. We can respect and even root for the in-your-face bitches like Megan, but everything he does is behind someone's back.

And speaking of which...



DEE-FUCKING-LICIOUS.



These two alpha bitches spent the entire episode peeing in a circle, marking their territory. We hope for nothing so much as an entire season of Alexis and Dominique here ripping each other's eyeballs out.


Here's the thing: Megabitch Megan...well, we're actually starting to root for her just a tiny bit. Like we said, she puts it all the hell out there and we imagine if you were to walk up to her and say "Wow, you're kind of a bitch," she'd look at you blankly for a full minute and then say "Yeah...AND?"


Ashlie, on the other hand, is convinced of her moral superiority and we'd rather she just came out and said "I fucking hate her because she's the main thing standing between me and the big prize," instead of wrapping it up in a lot of "I'm doing this because she's EEEVIL."

Wow. That was a lot of unneeded analysis about two bitches fighting in an alleyway.


We love when young people on a reality show think that "calling a meeting to yell at each other about how much we hate each other" is somehow going to be productive.

And honey?

WHAT the fuck are you WEARING? It's like Smurfette joined Mummenschanz.

Now.

Let's talk about this one.


He seems like a sweet kid, but what the fuck is someone like that doing on a reality show? And why does an "aspiring designer" not know the most basic fashion terms?


It was like he planned to have a panic attack.


"I need to talk to you guys because tomorrow I plan on collapsing into a pile of tears. Oh, and I may stop breathing for a while, okay? Don't block the camera."


Seriously, this was embarrassing.


It's not as if the show will ever have a lot of credibility but it's at least to their credit that they sent him home because not eliminating someone who can't even handle a basic grunt editorial assignment would have been a joke.

Well. More of a joke.

[Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]

Top Design Episode 9 Part 1

It starts off innocently enough. Two fags and a birthday cake.

Ripping the Collections: Suede, Part 2

It gets worse in the second half, if you can believe it, kittens.

People keep asking if the decoys had the same amount of time and the same budget that the final 3 had. We can look at this and confidently say "No." Clearly Suede had about 20 minutes and 12 dollars to put this collection together.

Oh fine. You want critique? Here: all of those fabrics are fighting each other, the proportions are horrible and nothing is fitted correctly.

It's executed fairly well in comparison to the rest of the looks. We suppose some would say this is a pretty dress. We think it's a bit too adorable. It seems obvious to say this, but it looks like Barbie clothes. And the bust is terribly fitted.

HOLY.
SHIT.
PART.
TWO.

There are drag queens that would look at that and say "No way." There are 5-year-old girls in princess costumes who would look at that and say "That's a bit much, don't you think?" There are blind people who would look at that and say "My eyes!"

In other words, it's really, really bad.

Oh god, we're tired at this point. What else can we say? You've ruined us, Suede. You've ruined us.

We can point out how distressingly similar these looks are, though. The same "fitted" (haha!) bodice over a full asymmetrical skirt.

Jesus, those are some cheapass-looking fabrics. They look like wrapping paper. Discount wrapping paper.

It's a nice day for a whore wedding.

We never thought Suede was really a contender all season long but even we are completely flummoxed by this collection. It is shockingly bad. There's just no getting around that. We feel kind of sorry for him because he never should have been there and he wound up flaming out pretty spectacularly in front of a lot of spectators. Honestly, there's a part of us that wishes he would have just cheated and farmed the work out to more talented people. No one was going to check on it and at least he wouldn't have embarrassed himself.

[Photos: Getty Images]


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T LOunge

Is once again open for business, y'all! Since we'll be watching another trainwreck tonight, we're all hopping aboard the bar car of the Maharashtra Limited on the Royal Indian Rail Line! Leaves every Wednesday from Mumbai bitches, so get your passports and update your shots! Toot-toot!

Alas, no more bobbleheads to give out, but at least we can all get drunk together and watch self-involved students rip each other to shreds tonight. Special bonus: Tootie Slowey in another clown getup! Also, don't forget about Top Design at ten!

Now, who's buying? That bar only fits 3 people so we'll have to go up in shifts.

Ripping the Collections: Suede Part 1

Kittens, if you thought we were tough on Jerell, you haven't seen anything yet. This was a runway show so jaw-droppingly bad that as we mingled in the tent afterwards, the word "embarrassment" was heard to be uttered more times than we can count. These were clothes that even Barbie would wave away with a "Honey, please."

And with that, let's start the show:

Please bear in mind that this is supposed to be the opening "wow" piece. A pink housedress with a backwards apron. Except for the straps, there is absolutely nothing of interest going on. The fabrics couldn't be more blah, the dress isn't fitted to her at all, and those bangles look like something we would give our niece for her birthday.

Our niece is five.

HOLY.
SHIT.

He's fucking with us, right? It looks like a centerpiece for a gay baby shower.

The dress is fine. Boring, but fine. Of course, there's that big noticeable seam running right above her cooch but lets pretend we don't see that. Once again, the color is baby-shower pink. There's nothing sophisticated about it at all. But what's the point of that gigantic ruffle? What purpose does it serve from an aesthetic point of view? She looks like a valance fell on her and she got tangled up in it.

From the fourth row, this didn't look that bad but looking at it close up, it's another poorly fitted blah design in another questionable fabric. It just kinda hangs on her.

While this isn't quite a "HOLY SHIT" look, it's still something of a "Really, Suede? REALLY?" You're in Bryant Park; you couldn't maybe step it up a little? The bodice doesn't fit her at all and we hate the construction of that skirt. It looks like pipe cleaners. The only thing this look has going for it is that Nazri's wearing it but even she couldn't make it look fierce.


[Photos: Getty Images - Video: YouTube/Taxiplasm]


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More Stylista, Bitches!

Let's take a look and see how the Yearbook Committee did with their assignments, shall we?


Team Stiff is more like it.


It looks like a mannequin auction.


This show is going to win awards for ripping off the veil and exposing the harsh reality of clueless twentysomethings who can't comprehend the basics of appropriate workwear.

Seriously, what the fuck. Who would think that leopard print mansandals are a good idea for the office? Anne Slowey wears the costumes on this show, not you!


Could that layout be any more basic?


Team Can't-Follow-Simple-Instructions.


We'll give them credit, though. Their work outfits were all pretty good.


And their layout was decent, but come on, they couldn't even follow basic instructions on the word count. FAIL.


Team No-Design-Sense-Whatsoever.


Or maybe Team Gray. They look like a meeting of College Republicans.


Ahhh! My eyes! This is Elle, not Scrapbooking Monthly, you amateurs!


We don't know what her problem was. We thought this dress was cute. You don't HAVE to show off your investments everytime you dress, Kate.

Question time:

Why would the judges praise this outfit...


...and then rip this one to shreds for being too dull?

Answer: TOTALLY ARBITRARY JUDGING!


"Arnaldo, there is no bigger crime in fashion than being boring, which is why I'm dressed like a blind clown. You should have listened to Joe Zee and taken more chances."


"Just look at that wild man! I am GIDDY with the chances he took today! You should be more like him."


"Your striped tie is NOTHING like Joe's striped tie. I am disgusted. Get out."


"And put your bag in a box so it looks like you cleaned out your desk."

Previews, Bitches!:

Anne gets her bitch on!


And Jason is overcome with Fashion Anxiety!

Trust us, the claws come out tonight! We're even opening T Lounge again!

[Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com - Videos: YouTube/CWtelevision]