Miami Nice

We've about had it with Uli. Do you all have any idea how hard it is to be bitchy about someone who's so sweet?

We wanted to see her and Tim get vasted! We thought her apartment would be nothing but ashtrays full of roaches and empty Captain Morgan bottles. Instead, it was like watching a sorority girl take her father on a tour of the campus.

Look at her! Adorable! What can we possibly say about her?

Bitch.

Tim honey, take the jacket off more often.

But leave the shoes on. Those dogs are blinding.

That sound you hear is the sizzling of skin cells.

Oh, that's it. Living in the cold, colorless world of East Germany, dreaming of the future by watching "Miami Vice" episodes? You have gone too far, Fräulein! Tell us you hate Laura, tell us you're an alcoholic, hell, tell us you shot a man in Reno just to watch him die - anything!

We need our insulin shots now.

Looks like she went to the Vincent Libretti School of Hat Design.