Make Me A Supermodel: Episode 5

Kittens, what with the blog redesign and all, we are so very late on this one. Can you ever forgive us? It was so long ago (in blogtime) that we can barely remember the episode. Bear with us as we try to get the synapses firing again.

Okay, what was this episode about again?

Oh, right. Tyson shows up at an hour far too early for budding supermodels ...

And the bitching begins.

They are all driven down to the docks and shot in the head, gangland style.

Haha! No, not really. But Bravo, feel free to put Shoot Me a Supermodel on next season's lineup. In fact, we can see a whole line of similar Bravo shows, like Shooting the Real Housewives or Shooting the Top Chefs. We smell ratings gold!

Anyway, the challenge is another one of those ridiculously vague MMAS ones: be sexy. Okay, it was more along the lines of "sexual fantasy," but it was still pretty silly.

Although Branden sure loved it. He acted like he got assigned to a porn shoot.

And Laury took the words right out of our mouths. Kudos to her for the best line of the episode. Some commenters have been saying that Colin doesn't talk about his virginity THAT much, he's just edited that way. Obviously, he's talking about enough for the other models to get sick of it.

In other news, Jonathan loves his wife. That's sweet honey, but if you want to be a supermodel - and a male one, at that - then you're going to have to get used to these sorts of shoots. Modeling is the one profession where the male members are objectified more than the female ones.

And we have no complaints about THAT, poodles.

Okay, let's look at the pics:

Sandhurst, Mountaha, Gabriel

We agreed with the judges on this one. It went over the line from fashion shoot to porn shoot.

Salome, Laury, Colin

Not bad. Especially since we're dealing with the Professional Virgin. If anyone looked lost here, it was Miss Mennonite.

Amanda, Jordan, Branden

We thought this was, by far, the best shot, which is a credit to all the models because all three of them wished they were doing something else. It was sexy and it looked like an actual ad campaign.

Kerryn, Jonathan, CJ

We just didn't love this one. Jonathan did alright, but the girls were stiff and awkward. The only reason Jonathan won the go-see was because they had to give it to one of the men (because it was for 2xist) and Colin and Gabriel weren't in the running and as cute as Branden is and as good a model as he is, he just doesn't have an underwear model's body.

And Jonathan CLEARLY does.

Those queens were doing everything they could not to drool.

Gabriel can fill out a pair of briefs pretty damn well, but he's a bit underdeveloped (you need ABS OF DEATH to model 2xist), and for all his love of showing off his underwear, he actually seemed a little uncomfortable modeling it, strangely enough.

And he MUST have been rattled if he left his precious briefs behind. Which reminds us: ew.

Runway time! But before we go there...

Just another reminder that HE'S A JACKASS.

Y'know. In case you forgot

Salome, Colin, Mountaha, Branden


CJ, Sandhurst, Kerryn, Jordan

Gabriel, Laury, Amanda, Jonathan

Jonathan always stands out, Colin is improving, Branden did well, Sandhurst is going nowhere and really needs to step up his game. As for the ladies, Salome's another one that really needs to start working it more, Mountaha's got one of the best walks, and Kerryn really nailed it. She totally deserved the win. The rest of them were completely forgettable.

So forgettable that it was anyone's guess who should go home. We figure they settled on CJ just because it was obvious she needed to go home at SOME point and now was as good a time as any. Besides, her behavior during the photoshoot was ridiculously unprofessional.

Previews, bitches!

[Photos: Josh Kogan/Bravotv.com - Videos: Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blosgpot.com]


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